Strain 100
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
This is a good movie example of a new generation of movie making. This is fun and watchable, but watch it set precedent for new directions and devices. I cannot in complete good faith believe that this is a movie that doesn’t deserve an asterisk by that statement, because there was a lot here that falls into “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” I have no idea who Crash is as an actress, but they should have gotten out of her way and let her do her thing a little more. They should not have devoted the third quarter to YouTube personality masturbation, they should have stuck with the original script if there was one and it was significantly different than where this ended up. This started off very strong, and had everything required to be a solid pillar of the genre, but then… Do you remember that “Dancing in the Street” cover by David Bowie and Mic Jagger? In the middle of the music video, Mic randomly reaches down to the street and picks up a can, takes a refreshing guzzle of Coca-Cola, then shimmies back at Bowie to complete the number. It was a kick in the balls to musical integrity. I’m not saying this is that bad, nor am I saying that there was anything resembling David Bowie or Mic Jagger level talent or passion behind this. What I’m saying is that this suffered from the curse of two different masters. On one hand, there is a kick-ass zombie movie with a kick-ass heroine and great special effects and what appears to be a pretty broad and open horizon, but then they hand the reigns to two different YouTubers who each get “their section”, and then the movie ends. It’s really fucking abrupt when it ends. And it leaves you with the sense that they ran out of money FAST, since a voice-over of a loop of CGI drones… whatever. This is a very good yet shallow movie. There were a few moments of shine here, a whole lot of competent, and some good effort. The failure is in the script, but if you’re not looking for an X-files episode and you’re in the mood for tactical shooting, tactical reloading, tactical gun drawing, and tactical tacticals of your favorite tacticals, then this is the tactical for you. Unless you’re the type who likes their lever-actions, and then rest assured, the little girl’s 30 minute “Does ________ get into heaven?” answered our question about firearms. Yes, they do get into heaven. The 2nd Amendment says so. You know what I really would have liked? Take everyone involved in this, strip away the shit that they are outside of this movie, and then cast them on merit into the roles best suited to them. Mix things up. Don’t let ego or pride dictate. There’s a damn good movie here inside this pretty good one, and the only real thing that’s stopping them from being one and the same is your insistence that we step out of the movie into YouTube right at the end before accepting a spoken word closure. Hassan Hussien, you could do better if you knew less and imagined more. I’ma be watching you… partially outta hopeful curiosity, and partially so I know… I guess I shouldn’t write down that part. I used the term “snuff team”.
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- This is why people are afraid to go camping.
- Roy needs to be shoved up against a wall and shot.
- Crash and her posse out doing the town.
- Crash and her posse get whittled down to crash and the little girl
- The film crew fucks off and hits the bar while a couple YouTube production teams have their way with the camera.
- Special effects that makes 60’s Star Trek look advanced and a narration close the movie very unsatisfactorily.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
This is all pretty traditional zombie shit. They’re dead, gory, and hungry. These ones are pretty fast, too. It seems like they need head shots until we get to a point when they’re falling to chest shots, and there’s nothing really brain-centered about them either. These are “because I said so” zombies. I think there may have been some explanation but I don’t recall anymore than this all being blamed on getting vaccinated. Really? Come the fuck on, people- this is communist Russia level paranoid propaganda. I really don’t give a shit, because I’m willing to accept a comet caused it all too, but you can’t bring shit like this up without people feeling preached at. Maybe it’s just me. Lord knows I’ve got triggers to this shit. But overall, fucking spot on A+ zombies here. Every once in a while there was a little slip to show that someone is still learning their craft, but fuck yeah- let’s make this the bar for zombies. This was good.
Where the money went
Where the money went
Well, some money went into crappy CGI, but not enough. And what did… the drones at the end sucked, and why CGI in blood splatter or cracking windows when analog effects or simply doing without would have been fine and saved you money for better ending drones? Were those drones donated out of charity? Did the money go to the YouTubers, or did they pay to be included? Or are they just the promoters of the movie? I guess I’ll never know or care. There is this tho- Crash was worth whatever you paid for her, as was the little girl. Red and the drunk weren’t bad either. The acting was pretty good. The sets were well done, the production values… look, some of this stuff wasn’t worth writing home about, but it wasn’t “point and chortle” either. This was a lower budget movie that did quite well with what it had.
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
See, this was too much like gun-porn for me to feel like choosing a gun and saying it was the coolest. By the end of the movie, you’re waiting for the producers to have figured out a way to have the stars firing automatic weapons while wearing skimpy swim suits in slow motion. And this is coming from someone with a pistol in reach- I don’t even have to stretch. I love guns. But I don’t love the mindless adulation of them, and this unfortunately crossed the line a couple of times. Hitckock45… Dude… I’ve seen you on YouTube. I’ve seen the other guy too. But I like your videos. I appreciate the intelligence you bring to discussing what you like and don’t like, although I don’t think you’re quite critical enough. But that’s like being a rapper- you’re good at something that involves being on camera, but that doesn’t mean you yourself are good on camera. The best weapon? I really can’t think of one. I have the lyrics to “Is she really going out with him?” stuck in my head.
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
There was a bit of good zombie hand here- mainly that one short shot of a bloodied hand trailing through the dried grass. Aside from that, not much on the “throwback to the classics” front. I fear this is simply due to the emphasis on looking forward that they showed here. This is one of the first cross-over type movies in this genre, there was some good zombie shit, but overall, they chose to pray at a different temple than the zombie one.
That was new!
That was new!
This starts off with a very smart idea- a CDC woman is being interviewed, and after delivering the party-line BS and being pressed for more, panics and begins talking through the camera directly to her son, hoping he can see the broadcast, begging him to stay inside and safe. It’s a very effective way to bring the scary to the forefront. Super smert. Ok, another really well thought out way to ratchet up the WTF I did not expect that! factor. Take a grieving mother who intentionally locks herself into a car with her ravenous zombie child. It’s one of those fucked up ‘cause it’s true type things. As in, I can see people doing crazy shit like that when faced with this new reality. I’ve also never had a movie interrupted so clumsily by “Other Shit” getting brought in in an attempt to bring up a cross-over audience. This was like your roomate’s younger brother stepping out of your closet in the middle of you hooking up to ask you to change positions because he’s seen enough of this one. The end result is you staring at them thinking “you’re not… supposed… to be here. You’re ruining *everything*!”
Review Notes
Review Notes
I cleaned one of them. And burned my fingers a bit in the process. Boiling water is really hot.
We’re in a city. It’s really hot. Pneumonia is going down.
But no, flu is going back up.
The mayhem begins.
In 3 days, the C-100 virus… Nah, not pulling anything from modern headlines.
There’s a woman running out of a lab in slow motion. Resident evil much?
Lotta crowd footage of shit hitting the fan.
Oh shit. That’s scary. The doctor talking to her son through the television interview, begging him to stay safe and indoors. I’ve never seen that before.
We meet Crash.
12 hours earlier.
Hollywood’s idea of what camping is like. They’re on a mowed lawn. The pillows have creases.
It sounds like Kid Rock’s illegitimate younger cousin is having a seizure into a microphone.
Crash and her boyfriend are waking up in the tent.
Bad sounds are outside.
Zombie is outside.
Decent zombie, decent gore. Why CGI in blood? Lazy.
Now… They’re down from four to just… Crash. She’s trying to save her bestie.
Zombies are still running around.
Nice zombie-scrape-off-the-vehicle.
And here is where I’m going to geek out on this vehicle. The Jeep Grand Cherokee, ladies and gentlemen! Although I believe that is a WJ, or a newer version of Jellybean (ZJ), but dammit, I cannot think of a better vehicle to begin the zombie apocalypse in. I love ours, I love this one, I love that they’re showing it having some fun! I believe that one has a budget lift in it. Look how close the wheels are to the inner curves of the wheel wells.
Oh! Her friend is in pain! Crash isn’t very sincere.
“If I were dying, I’d tell you that I slept with your boyfriend. It was in your bed.” And then she dies. Bad news upon bad news.
Fuck yeah! I like the way she drives! Sidewalks? Lawns? Fair game.
Everything has been looted.
Crash reminds me of a girl I used to know.
Zombies chasing, back to jeeping…
Why do a CGI breaking window? It’s plenty scary enough without it. It falls under “Just because you can…”
Nice crashing POV. I’ve seen that. Except I slid a lot longer. Once. Another time I landed in mud and stuck.
Now we’re back to her waking up after flipping the jeep.
Zombies on the outside… Pretty good zombie at that, too!
And then her friend turns zombie!
And she kills her with… a lunch tray?
She knows some basic self defense. That’s good.
Oh! We have a child! Batting a pinata!
A zombie child!
Never seen a zombie just ignore a person like that. I think she’s more after the candy?
Crash is listening to the messages on a random person’s house. It’s a nurse. Three messages detailing the escalating crisis. This is a huge fear of mine. When shit goes sideways, I want to be with my wife.
Crash slips in a bloodstain and then gets attacked by a zombie! Rolling around in the blood for a bit…
A waitress hiding in a closet.
A very classy nod to psycho.
Oh! Shit! Crash got bit! I knew she was attacked… but… shit.
The nurse knows.
Seems like Crash is an anomaly. She’s got some sort of immunity. Says her mom was a scientist who used to always give her shots. I think that’s some kind of child abuse by most definitions.
Crash and the waitress gonna team up! But not tell anyone she’s been bit.
That jacket makes her look like someone I used to know.
Crazy bride zombie… whole bunch of zombies.
I think they did a really good job of painting dead zombie eyes onto the actors closed eyes… I can’t tell.
Zombies everywhere.
The first rule of sneaking around is don’t carry a fucking lantern.
Really good zombies.
Come on, Crash… you gotta have more emotions going on than just that.
Roy is a twat.
Roy would get punched in the face.
Roy should stop talking about himself in the third person.
Roy should not say “H20”. He should say “water”.
Roy is really a twat.
We’re meeting a bunch of other people.
Roy is a twat.
“Your mouth is just as big as your belly and just as full of shit.”
Roy… would be put against a wall in my world.
Yay! TV is back!
Great! This movie is about a virus that is caused by a vaccination. “If you received the vaccine, you have the virus.” See, here’s the science of it. Yes, it works that way. But no, it doesn’t. I’m not going to change any minds here, but I am going to question the… intent… in this direction and phrasing.
Red looks kinda like my father-in-law.
“I’m sure the President is doing… something.”
There is so much Norman Rockwell quality America here.
Interesting. Now we have defined “Communal” in a positive light.
Yet, we’ve really gone a bit now with just talking and no zombies.
Lights went out! Generator?
Roy… Punches in the balls. You’re getting punches in the balls.
I think Roy just said something racist.
Roy is still talking. When he should be dead.
Nice!! Roy just got bit by what appears to be Zombie Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
Roy is having his intestines eated. It’s a decent gore scene.
It’s daylight now. Everything seems worth it without Roy. Mashing my dick with a brick would be fun as long as there was no Roy present. Fuck Roy.
Oh… she’s sick. Old lady sick. Gonna be…
They left them with two bullets. I mean, I doubt…
Oh. Uh… Did they… was that a suicide? I didn’t expect to see that.
Why are we discussing the theology of the situation?
“I don’t believe in God. I believe in scientists. Scientists who go messing where they ain’t got no business messing.” This… is a very eloquent summation of my stance as well.
Interesting. A bastard’s bastard. Not sure that adds a whole lot to the movie, but it’s an interesting representation of the circular nature of literal mans’ failings.
Met up with the sister, locked herself in her car with her zombie kid!
Big 2nd splash of red there…
Is everyone insistent on committing suicide now??
I mean… did we know those zombies needed someone to buy time? WTF just happened? That was suicide though, right?
Shit. The drunk is… drinking. That’s not worth it to go out that way.
That’s an awesome zombie crowd chasing after them… but that’s one close-up on a burning out wheel to many. And our count is at two.
We’re back to fighting over the theology of it all. Crash is… an atheist. Likes shooting up billboards, that’s for sure.
I had a chance to trade 2 cartons of cigarettes for one of those Cadillacs a couple years ago. It ALSO needed a new radiator. Seems to be a pretty common thing.
Oh. Shit. Marky… just lured the zombies away. Well, most of them.
I think that’s the prepper uncle guy.
Not very good at it if he’s just waving around a break barrel single shot.
I’m not sure that’s Uncle Ben. I have trust issues. But I don’t think that’s the kid’s uncle.
Yeah. Que the eerie music, that’s for sure.
We got a sniper in a window
Marky in a truck! Zombies all around!
I don’t trust that uncle guy.
“The baby-killers, trans-whatchamacallits…” I agree with Crash’s eye roll.
Yeah, he’s a scary uncle. A very scary not-uncle-ben.
Oh shit. Little girl figured it out! That’s not Ben!
What the fuck!? The guys with guns just shot Marky when he was driving the truck!
And Not-Ben is about to get crazy with the fuel pump.
Now we’re learning about how he is NOT Ben, but Ben’s friend. So he had to shoot Ben.
Marky is alive! Even though we saw him get shot…
Yeah. Now he’s willing to talk about it.
Marky is not alive.
A bloody hand trailing through the dry grass. Nice.
All this talk about heaven. Shut up, little girl!
Oh! Dammit, Crash, you’re NOT supposed to say what I’m thinking!
In other words, you shouldn’t actually say that to little kids!
And… they all got rushed by a zillion zombies and suddenly Steven Segal, I mean, Hickock45 is there with a lever action that never runs dry and dry cool whit that never loses it’s cool.
He shoots… 413 zombies, then introduces himself by his YouTube name. I have not seen this, it’s… kinda strange. Feels about as authentic as the wrestling scenes (Yeah. I said it. I used the W word. I meant it.) tacked into Range 15.
Bill, you’re kinda treading into plagiarism territory. The real quote goes something like “All you need in life is Love and a .45”. I think I would have been thrilled if you’d used that.
Why the hell are we doing this hokey shooting instructional video?
And someone tied up zombies to use them as targets? Fuck the ethics, that’s just stupid and smelly.
Oh, now let’s meet more YouTube people.
This dialogue is as natural as Pamela Anderson’s tits. Significantly less appealing though.
What, is she a cyborg?
Magic Jeep unveiling. (Yawn)
Why don’t they tie her to a tree and use her as target practice?
2nd Amendment! That’s ‘cause!
There’s… religious fervor type babbling shit in the background. As we gratuitously gun down another onrush of zombies. Have slow-motion camera, will play with.
It looks like they decorated the interior of that jeep with dog shit.
While Grimace puked chewed up French fries on the outside.
Aw, Crash just had to shoot her ward. Buckled up for safety!
Headed to Hotlanta
Clouds.
More gun fetishization… some unknown character…
The crap jeep skids sideways…
Purple is out and shooting. How many will *she* kill?
Oh! Face/Off! Let’s point guns at each other. And walk in a circle.
So, yes, Crash has never gotten sick and her mom was experimenting on her her whole life. And now the mom’s taking responsibility for the whole thing being her fault too.
Virus, spiral, mutate, evolve…
Destroyed all the vaccines.
Purple has the magic box, Frodo. You gotta bring it to… uhh…
Purple owning what looks like the loading dock of the Oregon State Building.
YAY MOTORCYCLE!!
More clouds…
A narrator….
Blah blah Crash’s blood… antibodies or something…
Shittiest CGI drones EVER…
What? It’s fucking over? You gotta catch a bus or something? That was abrupt.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
Let’s start off by admitting that I rented this movie twice within about 5 minutes of each other. I was poking around, trying to find something that made me perk up and wag, and as usual, I’m on the newer laptop. I almost went with something else- it had around 150 reviews and was based on “We’re staying together for the sake of the zombies” domestic issues and such. A couple out in a cottage with more than just marital problems.
I’ve been dancing around that one, since the picture Amazon provides shows a decent looking zombie, but then this popped up and I’d never seen it before. Somehow, it’s gotten almost a thousand reviews. I really should be paying better attention. Strain 100; “After surviving a terrifying car crash, a young woman discovers that aggressive, flesh-eating zombies have overtaken the entire area. She must figure out what is happening and why in hopes of escaping her horrifying circumstances.”
I, as usual, have a couple ideas about this. Such as, don’t tell me what to do. If I’ve crashed my car and am stuck in the middle of nowhere and there’s aggressive zombies running around, the last thing I need to do is anything other than what I want to do, which is going to be bashing zombie heads in and trying to get some place where there’s no zombies because I’m eventually going to need to take a crap.
What I’m saying is that understanding WTF is going on is generally not necessary to removing yourself from said occurrences. It’s not like there’s a circle of magic wizards guarding the perimeter of the zombie-zone and if you try to break out they’re like “What is the *reason* this zombie outbreak is occurring?” in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. And if you say “I don’t know.” you’re catapulted off into the abyss.
No, wait… that was an old documentary about Royal Rabbits and breeding techniques. What I meant was that if the wizards ask what’s it all about and you don’t know, they punch you around a bit while using their magic to hold you in place and then they roll you the muddy way back into the center of the zombie-zone before poofing away in a teleportation-poof and leaving you once again clueless and surrounded by zombies. And hopefully some clues.
Those wizards always have big pots of coffee. No sneaking by them. But the point that I think you can agree with me is that if we’ve crashed our cars, survived, and are now dealing with zombies, don’t tell us there’s other supplemental quests that may need to be addressed before we’re allowed to skadiddle.
There’s a great movie that I think is called “Open Grave” that’s sort of a great mash-up of Memento and zombies. I can’t remember why I felt that was pertinent. Amazon’s not giving me much clues with the picture, either. A woman, a zombie face, some trees, and the title. That’s all, folks.
I wonder what makes this car crash so terrifying? I’ve crashed a lot of cars and I don’t think I’ve ever been terrified. I’ve always felt more of a sickening regret of “Shit, shouldn’t have pushed it *that* hard!” as things are still sideways in motion but there’s nothing positive left in my relationship with steering the vehicle.
Even when I’ve high-sided sport-bikes and gone cart-wheeling through the air, it wasn’t terrifying. It was… embarrassing. I absolutely hate being hurt or incapacitated in public. Unless it’s alcohol related, which for some reason turns into a huge fucking adventure. Which is why we don’t have those adventures any-more.
But there’s something about being injured in public and needing or being able to accept a stranger’s help that makes me fucking nauseas with whatever the lack of pride feeling is. I’m assuming that this very strong response is related to my disorder. Since ASPD is so close to Narcissism, I wonder if this is anything transient?
I think it has more to do with respect than adulation, which is the big definer between the two of us. Here’s a thought that pinged a couple hours ago. Is kleptomania a personality disorder? I have no idea what the criteria is for something to be an other thing, but it seems sort of like what I’m going through. Except instead of stealing shit, I pick fights with people who don’t use punctuation or good grammar on social media.
I’d rather be shoplifting fake nails and other useless shit for the thrill of it than wondering which vehicles on the highway have firearms in them. I want to tell a story that I think is important about bravery. My wife did something I have always been afraid to do. She ordered a “Mystery Box” from a company. Of course, it *was* MJ Arsenal, which is like Gucci to her, but what’s important is that she wondered about it and wanted to do it and took a risk a did it and yes, we did end up with two more smoking devices as well as a whole bunch of other new stuff.
But that’s not what’s important. I have ALWAYS wanted to order a mystery box from a company. A couple months ago I was researching how to buy mystery boxes from Amazon and other large companies. But I never did it. I have always imagined the following every time I’ve contemplated taking the risk- first, I imagine a couple of assholes who look kinda like me laughing and tossing some dusty cheap plastic crap that’s been sitting on the warehouse shelf for years into a box and shipping it out, or I imagine opening a box and finding something cool and then how the hell am I not going to order another mystery box? See? I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. That’s what I think about. That’s where my brain goes. No wonder I can’t leave the house for the selection of pants.
So, my wife, who shrieks, jumps, and grabs my arm when we’re taking a hike and a black lab startles her- my wife is able to intentionally take risks that I cannot take. Just like I can strip off all my clothes and dive naked off a rock into icy water. Is this what modern domestic partnerships look like vis-à-vis skill-set matching and co-supporting? She takes the domestic risks, I take… the ones that involve medical insurance? Or am I really being too generous in labelling my idiocy a skill, when in reality she’s just burdened with both all the domestic crap plus a 165lb attention-seeking emotional 6 year old with the impulse regulation of a cat on crystal meth?
I just recently learned that Sublime’s “We’re only gonna die from our own arrogance” song is a cover of the Descendants… No, sorry… Bad Religion’s song. I… hate Bad Religion. Or rather, I thought I did. Everything that my friends ever played me, I hated. Something about the production values being too slick and the vocals too crisp and the singer’s voice scratching against me like a needle on a hemorrhoid.
But now I’ve got the two of them playing on repeat back to back. I think I like Sublime’s version more, since there’s more timing changes as well as a reggae section that isn’t as present in Bad Religions original, but I’m… considering checking out whatever BR album the song is from. Did BR have multiple lead singers?
Ok. So, back to this zombie movie thing. There’s an actor with a very unique name. Hickok45. I think he reviews guns and stuff on YouTube. I’m pretty sure this is a western thing? Wasn’t he one of the gunfighter guys? Not in… uh… Tombstone. But… another movie? And real life? I’m guessing the 45 is a reference to .45 caliber.
I feel like there was something else I’d stuck away in a nook to write about. I’m about to start the movie but there’s this nagging sensation of forgetting. I built Fort Pepper. Or, as I think I’m going to sign it “Frt. Peper.” I don’t *think* I’m actually disabled, but I don’t mind if the neighbors believe otherwise. It’s sort of an image I’m cultivating by disturbing the peace on holy days for completely white trash reasons.
I have already ruined the quiet late on a Christmas Eve when I got a box truck stuck in the mud in my backyard, and after much pointless revving and thrashing had to park our jeep across the road, bracing the front tires on the curb, while we winched it out.
And then there was the Thanksgiving Dinner that I got obsessed with using an angle grinder to roll back our fenders so we wouldn’t cut up our new tires on the wheeling trip we were starting the next day. Are these things considered “boundaries” for people?
Like, is there something internal that stops you from doing things like this on special days or whatnot? Is it some sort of filter? Is it the same one that stops you from hurling fashion advice at pedestrians out of car windows? There’s so much I don’t understand. Like, why are there 3 bongs and a glass smoking skull on this table? I’m going to clean a couple of these and then put them away before the movie.