Day of The Living Dead
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
I think I gotta say watch it. There’s reservations involved, but it’s worth the time. Maybe get drunk first. Like, the plot and two main actors are throw-away, but the premise and product are both sound and interesting. I’m peeved that there was so little actual zombie in the movie. The ratio of plot-chatter to zombies was way out of whack, especially after that teaser right in the beginning. But at least they showed us what they could do and then throttled it back and doled it out at the right time, when it’d get you. I think this is a movie to watch with a friend; you’re going to want someone to riff on the movie with you, but at the same time, you’ll be laughing with each other over who jumped at what. I feel like this is an unsure work by (mostly) talented people all trying something slightly out of their comfort zone. The cinematographer and sound were right on point, in fact, the sound made the movie and the camera worked to get herky jerky right when we needed stability to feel safe. The makeup and gore were A- level competent and good. The supporting actors really carried the movie I felt, and mostly through the action/creepy sequences. I can’t say very much for the main couple as talent. Neither of them did a good job- he fell flat and she was forced and awkward. The diner scene for racial justice really felt off. Every period reference? Felt really off. I’d bet dollars to donuts that this idea was conceived of first, and probably actually sold (money raised for production) prior to any actual script being written. It could be that getting ripped and then following noir (while periodically being scared off your ass) is harder than anticipated, but I think it’s closer to the truth to say that there’s an unfortunate amount of filler here that they tried to hide with plot exposition. Sure, we needed to know that bit of information for the plot to move forward without being complete Swiss cheese, but 8 minutes of idle chat around the topic isn’t noir, it’s fucking boring. Oh. I’ll punch you if you ever make me silently watch anyone smoke a cigarette like that again. There’s a lot of little things in this movie that would be hard to miss if you look away for a sec or space out, which it’s easy to do when Lazarus is… on the screen. When it comes down to it, the ratio of time wasted to time enjoyed for this movie is sadly just slightly in the wasted and boring category. What redeems it is the novel approach it brings, and the true joy in the thrills it gives. This BS could all just be interpreted as an overly effusive way of saying that it’s worth it simply to watch Jessica Rabbit put on lingerie, too. 12 year old me is clapping happily in his safe place. As for whether or not this movie deserves the crown it has appropriated? No. This does not belong near Romero’s vision. This movie has no reason to name itself The Day of The Living Dead Dead. It could have named itself anything else and been the same thing. I wouldn’t call it a bait and switch, but I do call foul.
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- We meet a bunch of actors and cleavage who say lines
- A naked lady zombie kills her husband
- Jessica Rabbit is a dominatrix, Boss Hog talks funny
- Something about a bee conspiracy put forth by a cigarette company
- We’re reminded that smoking is bad
- Damn near everyone dies
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
Fuck if I know. I think you turn into a zombie after some chemical thing or other over at the cigarette plant. But you might not turn into a zombie, you might get face-leprosy. But if someone bitches at you too much, you go zombie and attack them. The zombies like eating flesh, but also use tools. I don’t think I saw anyone fight back against the zombies. No one was shooting them in the head though. I’m not sure any zombies died. “No zombies were harmed…” I’m pretty sure that if you’ve been infected with the cigarette chemical and you die for any reason, you come back as a zombie, and like I said, if you’re nagged too much you can also turn. If you’ve been bitten by a zombie, I *think* you come back as one? Maybe not? ‘cause the zombie and the dominatrix killed each other and she didn’t come back. Let’s put it this way- there’s a lot of different zombie-isms going on here. We even have some “unnatural crawling motion” a-la The Grudge. They’re just sort of a catch-all for evil in the movie. Something bad has to happen to someone? Well, we’ll write a zombie into it to take care of them! But that doesn’t mean that each one is not well done. The “trapped in car” zombie is as good as any other “trapped in car” zombie you can name. He did it his way, and it was beautiful.
Where the money went
Where the money went
Sound. The sound set the movie. There’s predominant cello, great subtle background beats to raise the hackles, in your face shrieking right when you thought it was safe to turn it up… The sound and the special effects definitely took up a good chunk of the budget. I’d guess that most of the acting talent was pretty cheap, but that doesn’t mean it was bad. If anything, I think these were hard roles to cast since you needed someone who could horror it as well as noir it. These don’t always mix well, and it takes a stroke of luck or good casting to find someone who fits both well. There weren’t much for sets, but damn, they had a couple really nice cars. Since there was very little action, there was very little gore, so the special effects budget must have been fairly conservative. I’d guess that this movie falls farther into the realm of “passion project” than “financed attempt at ROI”, and with that, I’m thinking that a lot of what we saw was borrowed or improvised, and if that’s the case, then they’re to be commended for shooting a complete movie creatively. That said, they may have rushed to production, because there’s no way that they all sat around reading that script through and agreeing that it was the right ratio of talk to action. Worst believable case, they ran with a script outline and asked the actors to improvise. I can’t believe anyone “wrote” the dialogue down in the Steven King basement.
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
Adelle in a dominatrix costume riding you like a pony and alternating spanking you and strangling you with a belt. Seriously. It may have been the noir influence but they beat you over the head with the women’s sexuality. Aside from that, people have an affinity for attacking each other with scissors. I seriously don’t remember that much actual violence. There wasn’t any zombie-killing mayhem. I think maybe getting talked to death, or that toad’s perpetually changing accent giving you an aneurism. The more I look back on mostly forgotten stuff, I’m thinking that there’s not a whole lot of anything that really sticks with you. Unfortunately, for a zombie movie, there just wasn’t enough of the right type of violence. Best weapon as in “What hurt me the most”? The fucking continuous period references!! And that fucking soda jerk. This movie is the equivalent of that person who calls you to tell you that they just sent you an email and then proceed to tell you everything in the email that they just sent you. Every time they threw one of the name drops into the pond, the ripples fucked up our sense of acceptance. It was almost as if each time they referenced something period, they looked directly into the camera and gave us a special wink.
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
Unfortunately, no. There were no “from the grave” zombies here. I think the closest accolade to this that we can go with is the hatchet’d wife’s hallway walk. She. Had. All. The. Time. In. The. World. It was so good as a slow burn I was almost sad when she jumped the guy. Someone give that lady a zombie Oscar.
That was new!
That was new!
There was a good amount of new here, yet not all of it good. The first new set the tone of the movie, the zombie giggling as it bit the woman’s face off. I didn’t expect that, and it was unnerving. When they make a child zombie giggle it’s a cliché, but this guy pulled it off. Like her nose. The camera work changing between black and white and color to ramp up the intensity. I’m sure it’s been done before, but I think this was a new twist that worked well. I swear, it makes you jump an extra inch when the black and white bursts into crimson glory. Jessica Rabbit putting on lingerie. That was new. New and unexpected. Unfortunately, I’ve never seen a movie so well intentionally take on racism and faceplant. Hollywood was dealing with the same segregation bullshit at the time as everywhere else, but this isn’t the way to break that aspect of the 4th wall to have a heart to heart with us. It was a good heart that tried, but ultimately this was not the avenue. I’ve never had a movie work so hard to convince me of something- but in this case, I couldn’t tell if it was trying to convince me that the story actually was taking place in the past, or if the actors were all collectively in on trying to convince the audience that they were being funny about pretending that it really was happening in the past. There were so many instances that it became like a blister that keeps getting rubbed.
Review Notes
Review Notes
So this is kinda strange- the Amazon warning of 18+ with all the stuff to be afraid of… Smoking, nudity frighting something or other… sounds good!
“And in those days people will seek death and will not find it… They will long to die, but death will flee from them.”
that’s what this is about
Bitchy attractive faded blonde doesn’t need anything from her assistant.
And at 1:30 we’ve got zombie eating some bicyclist’s guts. We are NOT fucking around in establishing that this is a zombie movie, and thank god, it’s in color and not, at the moment at least, being filmed in anything resembling noir. This is closer to “two twelve year old’s with strawberry jam” type cinema.
My bad.. the bicyclist is simply bleeding out on the lawn and coughing blood everywhere. The zombie is eating a dog. A German Sheppard, if I’m correct. Omnivorous.
And.. his is what the two women are watching while they chat about.. options. No. Yes. He was a good man.
“He was a good man. It was his business that had the issue.”
You’re wearing QVC jewelry with fake QVC tits, you should be nicer to people.
A bald priest by a bed… I wouldn’t tell him shit. He’s a toucher. But the guy on the bed sounds like shit. We can’t see him though. He just say “out of evil comes evil”?
No. He said 57. So I can’t hear and we’re talking about ketchup. Or catchup. Melt Monty, Melt!
But the blonde is insistent on no video. As if she’s never signed a consent form in a cheap Hollywood motel room. Hypocrite.
So… 1957… got a chance to get it all out…
Such a sketchy looking priest…
And we’re FLASHING BACK!! We’re zooming into the Hollywood sign, fading to black and white, and in some lame unused font being told it’s 1957. Shit. Noir.
Hotel room. Crooked lamp. Woman walking around in underwear. Ok, this is looking up. Her monologue is reading a suicide letter to some guy.
Fondle that photo.
And now we’re getting dressed in long white gloves and the uglies glasses known to man. A dress that doesn’t fit. Pearls that most definitely are not. You’re wearing a limp tiger-print bra with hair that looks like you’re the victim of a game show.
Phone off the hook, we’ve picked up the bible and thrown it back down again…
I think that’s rat poison. But… she just taped a plastic bag around her own neck. Like, brutally. It was as if she was being killed by a mob hitman, but it’s just her looking into the camera as her glasses go sideways across her face. It’s pretty disturbing.
And the colorized version of her just sat up and puked yellow into the bag, then laid back down, and up.. back into black and white… she’s not ripping the mouth. She looks like she’s got the willpower to do this. Never thought I’d write the next sentence, but… It’s about as erotic as a realistic depiction of suicide could be.
The opening credits… that same goofy font… a married couple… a cello? Marriage pictures. Mostly B&W. But the names are announced with bond-level colored smoke bursts. Lotta out of focus stuff.
Open with blonde hacking something up into a sink before lighting a cigarette. We’re in noir territory. As she bitches out Harold. Poor Harold. He’s standing behind her.
$90 for rent? Ok, sign me up. Don’t care how much you smoke and bitch.
But Harold.. he’s behind her and, well, looks like a zombie.
So she name drops Bogart?
And Harold leans in and bites her nose and most of her face off. What a fucking grin!! In both black and white and color! Giggling the whole while. Shit, I can smell cigarette. Just from the movie. But that was a well-done attack and good gore and the screaming and gristly tearing was realistic and the giggling… well, shit. That’s new. Creepy.
Outside some building…
A lady answering a phone… crossing out names. Bet she already kicked ass. Kicked those bone’s ass. And we’re flashing back through a framed photo and tear stained eyes to better days of pencil chewing and hat handling. Some guy with horrible side burns.
A conversation about dinner plans and phone calls and radio dj’s and wedding threats. Gorillas. Ok. Hope she can type ‘cause she can’t act.
“Your sister’s a baboon. Wa-wa-wa-eeek!”
Enter Benjamin the happy delivery guy. Milk in a bottle! And a frisbee. That she mistook for a blueberry pie. Shit. You better be a maestro on those keys, idiot.
And when was the frisbee mass produced? I doubt they were still drinking milk out of individual glass servings. This is like “Props from the future” without any ironic meaning of respect.
Uncle Ben? He knows… no rice jokes? I mean, that’s one way to negate the color barrier.
Now they just namedropped Hitchcock.
Something about a claim that’s about a lot of money. $13 million. “I declare!” I want to secretly kick her and then deny it publicly.
George is moody and she’s a nag. Dinner plans. Mmmhmmm-yeah.
Look. I get it. You’ve got a lot of cleavage. You’re probably pissed that you’re stuck behind a desk for your intro shot. But you gotta act better before they help you be an in-demand actress. More dominoes..
A deli… Dropping Ed Gein’s name. Really? They could make it into a book? They could also make it into one of the biggest horror movie franchises to ever feature Dennis Hopper. “The saw is family.” To be honest, I haven’t seen it yet. I should.
And now they drag Jackie Robinson into this schlep. I’m… appalled. Where’s the fucking movie? Why are you using baseball to re-hammer in the fact that this is a long time ago? Your hat sucks and you annoy me.
DiMaggio? “Jumping Joe! He’s always out here anyways!” is annoying the first time, didn’t need you to repeat it 4 more times. Smitty, eh? I’m gonna remember you. I hope you’re not a recurring character.
A dark study… a phone… violins… we’ve called an operator- “Please fetch me the police.” Fetch.
Mr. Wells is reporting a murder. “I think I killed my wife… (camera zooms to washed out fear) again.” Not bad acting tho.
8585 Sunset blvd. I wanna look that up and see where it is if it exists.
Yeah… not that many other spellings of “Wells”.
Intimate time with… bathroom… ok, this is fucked. We’re flipping back and forth between b&w noir, and color… gore. It’s like every time there’s blood on the screen they switch to color and it fucking punches you in the eyes. Dude’s shaving, no big deal, then he goes to rinse the blade and there’s a brain splattered hatchet by the sink and blood and shaving cream everywhere!! Not expecting that! Nice!
And a lady with a smashed in face and world class bum just stood up in the bath… but it’s black and white… and reflections in mirrors…
Yeah, same thing again with the colors changing, and the whole film style changes, but not just the cinematography and camera work- when the dead woman is in B&W, she’s “still” and “empty”, like in Bride of Frankenstein or whatever… but then it flips to color and her faint grin becomes feral and predatory.
B&W as we stroll down the stairs… and very slowly zombie walk down the hall… I love this woman. She does NOT let the fact that she’s bare ass naked disrupt her zombie walk. This is a committed performance. She’s good!
He hears something outside….
FUCK. Got me. They switch to color just as she screams and they’ve set you up ‘cause there’s been nothing but slow monotonous sounds leading up to this… I jumped. She smashes him face-first into a mirror before my ass has landed. Her gore looks good. Top notch. She savages him, he screams a lot, the camera backs away to a black and white of the Hollywood sign.
Back at the big ass building named Science.
Sideburns got a visit with someone. He’s Mr. Lazarus.
We meet the woman from the initial photo on amazon, and she’s got big cleavage too. I think I sense a theme. She’s pushing the innuendo, I think. Pushing out her chest, certainly.
Something about Deadly Sins cigarette company?
I think she can act. She can certainly control her blinking. But she can even act backwards through a mirror. She makes Lazarus look like a tree stump. She’s got a huge justice lady bat-man behind her.
I was just sitting here watching it wondering if I’m too high because I mentioned the woman’s breasts and while I was trying to figure that out I think she said that the lawyer for the bad sin cigarette company is a dude named something Beelzebub. Memon. I’m sure that means something. But he’s also from New York, so fuck him. Yankees Suck.
“I have your attention now, Mr. Lazarus?” Not only did she deliver that well cleavaged, she got scathing about it too. This woman can be intense. And she keeps ratcheting up the dial… I’d be afraid to work for her. I’m afraid of anyone who punches a desk that hard and then fake smokes that badly.
Bunch of guys working around machines… in a basement. Looks like the machine from Steven Kings Mangler from The Midnight Shift.
A guy with glasses and no hair asking a coughing guy about a dog bite… pointing out how much blood he lost… damn good friend. And he keeps going! Even though he’s just reading lines with no change of inflection! The co-worker silhouette who is coughing his way into hopefully being a zombie is doing a better job acting.
Now he’s victim shaming… Diesel and Oliver…
And he got puked on and falls into the mangler, and as the blood begins we’re back in color. So much coughing and blood.
Quick second of a woman screaming at the two corpses. (they made quite a mess)
A leg rolling up a stocking. You can see in the flesh where the stocking just was. The compression marks.
This has just become Jessica Rabbit porn. That makes two sentences I never thought I’d write.
She’s got legs… she moves like she’s got a spinal injury…
Is this just a saxophone and smoking scene?
Spoke too soon, she just picked up a belt and a stern face.
Close up on a sweaty guy’s face. She’s asphyxiating him. Berating him… sorta?
“You pissed yourself? I keep mine in all day. It gives me an edge.” Oh. Yeah. No. It gives you a UTI.
This is an interesting attempt at a bondage scene. The emotional damage is worse than the physical. But that aside, I bet there’s men who own this movie just to watch this scene again and again. It’s not my cup of tea, but…
Especially if her… Mom? Is going to suddenly walk in and say her father wants to see her? In the middle of a horsey-strangle-ride?
This is quickly losing it’s edge and turning into poorly improvised filler.
Dude looks like a really unhappy Brendan Frasier.
Ok, cigarettes are not supposed to be put out on people. Pineapple! Pineapple!
She’s haranguing him into leaving his wife, I think. I’m having trouble caring. This really isn’t the right role for her.
Lazarus is talking to the cigarette CEO; a Mr. Clean who is obsessed with solitaire. That was a lame exhalation. Almost as bad as this accent. Lou Ferrigno could have done much better.
They’ve gathered most of the characters (including the delivery dude) into one room and are arguing about stuff. The dominatrix is hostile. The toad has changed his accent. And I think she’s had a stroke by the droop in her right eye.
This guy looks like a shark and drops racial invectives casually. Sambo. Says it again just to be a jerk. They gave the crappy role to crap. That’s good.
More screaming over the corpses.
Toad and Dominatrix are fighting and he keeps going even after she’s left the room.
This scene is about whether they’re going to clean or toss blood stained cotton- or whatever it is. This isn’t worth the fake drama the guy is spewing. Investment. Product. Lobby. Shooting threats.
This toad is an evil guy, but they got the equivalent of a lump of playdough saying the lines. Yes, he’s impressionable, but like being hit with a bird while riding in a convertible. I bet the actor told everyone he was “going to play it just like Al Capone”, and everyone agreed that was a good idea, but he never actually showed his Al Capone to anyone. They would have told him it needed a lot of work.
I like Ike buttons? We know!!
And she can babble uselessly in a diner, too. Poor deliver guy.
Him “They’re famous for being crazy with their food.”
Her “I have no idea what that means!”
If you want to make a short stack of pancakes into “the 3 little pigs” this movie will explain it to you. I’m not going to. This crap is more filler.
Is that redneck standing next to them or not?? While you tell jokes about southerners reenacting the civil war? This is going to end poorly, like her acting.
The idiot is standing up against oppression! She hates bigots! I’m surprised she even knows the word.
This is pretty tone deaf racial shit. Not malicious, but awkward.
“I guess the only thing we can do is what we’ve been doing.” Deep.
Smallest quibble imaginable, but those rims don’t look right on that car.
Did they advertise for a short, dumpty actor?
“Howard! Hello! I’m George Lazarus!” (And I’m trespassing in your backyard by your pool!)
And now I’m just walking into your house because the door was open.
Gorgeously illegal sawed off shotgun there, but the mounting rail on the side is modern technology.
Who the hell is this woman though? Have we met her yet?
She goes from .12 gauge to fillet knife to offering him… a soda and cigarette. And Lazarus looks thrilled that he likes cars.
Gimme that soda!
Referencing Bogart passing again. Jesus.
“You just have to do business with the devil.” Is that foreshadowing?
I have no idea who this woman is or what this beehive conspiracy is all about. Shit, I’m not really following the movie well. I’m pretty sure that there’s an insurance claim either for or against the cigarette company, and that this Lazarus fellow is investigating it, and that in a slightly different timeline (like, later by a couple months, not a different dimension) (That probably would have been an improvement, but I can’t even follow this mono-terrestrially)
The Howard has been changed. He’s in the back.
This woman is who Rockwell would have painted if he had a dirty mind.
Jesus, do you really think I want to sit here watching her finish an entire fucking cigarette? Damn, I can’t deal with noir.
We’re in the backyard where the most beautiful car in the world is being wrenched on by the ugliest man. Think Quasimodo with bad acne after being splashed with acid for rejecting his Indian suitor’s advances.
“I would shake your hand but the way you’re staring at me suggests that I must look worst than I did yesterday.” Hemmingway. Bukowski. How can they have this pearl in the same movie as Boss Hogg aping Capone?
“Doctors tell me nothing’s wrong.” I find that very, very hard to believe.
A Clue!
That’s not really the way to asphyxiate yourself with carbon dioxide or monoxide or whatever comes out of cars, but it’s the 2nd suicide of the movie… What a monologue. Unnecessary monologue.
Creepy… Goosefleshes from that car window…
What is this? National Break Into Howard’s House Day?
“Now this feels wrong. It feels like a Vincent Price movie.” Blech.
Name dropping Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Blech.
FUCK!!! Got me again!! Ok, I got to give the sound credit. This movie does a great job setting you up to get knocked down.
Color… and jesus, lady, that’s a high pitched shriek! They should have edited that down. Mop. Mop.
Random zombie chewing on a random corpse that they hadn’t noticed in the kitchen with them. Run outside like the Scooby Doo gang, reference Vincent Price again, and then. Good creepy slow approach.
I used to hang out in a martini bar like that.
Jazz. Yay. Got to be something defective with me that I can’t stand jazz. Or is this minimalist R&B? It’s a slow, pointless scene though.
Well, they’re not disavowing the link between cigarettes and coughing your lungs out.
Every scene Lazarus is in is a sleeper. He’s like a boat anchor made out of compressed wonder bread.
Damn, Lazarus has a nice car. Nicer than he has the right to have.
Lazarus wanders into another person’s house just in time to see the guy get scissored in the neck by his wife I think? This plot is just pointless. More zombies!
Oh! It’s the dominatrix lady!
The guy she stabbed is getting up behind her and Lazarus looks like he just crapped his pants.
The zombie and the dominatrix have managed to kill each other.
FUCK!! Ok, so, Lazarus is on the ground and then a creepy crawly get him. A seriously unnerving creepy crawly.
Some greaser and a blonde… have we met them before? Wandering a junk shop? With a penchant for ugly skulls?
He’s got a tire-iron and an army duffel. We know he’s up to no good.
And I think that’s the dominatrix woman again? No? I can’t tell.
Something about alien abductions?
“The Russians are smart. They’re ready for an alien invasion.”
“Russians are so smart. And sexy. Now I know why they made Spudnicholis.”
Elvis… wants to join the army.
The most meandering scene so far… but it’s changed into color, so something interesting is going to happen.
Or maybe that’s just because the color red? I’m so confused.
How did these two end up breaking into a carnival?
She just darted behind a door and I think something stuck into her face. Yes. A hatchet. Or possibly a hammer. But she dead. Cello.
So… carnie construction zombies just whacked him in the head with a sledgehammer. And then he lay there twitching for a while. Chalk another “kinda disturbing” up…
The dumb secretary yells “Where did you go George?” at a photo a bunch of times.
Close with a black and white zombie Lazarus snarling at us.
Is that supposed to be Marilyn Monroe?
We close with name dropping The Misfits (no, not the band) and Some Like It Hot.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
Everything happens for a reason, and bad things come in threes, and what goes around will come around. The wheel turns. I find myself here on another Christmas, beginning another questionably choiced zombie movie for a project that I first began chewing on roughly last Christmas.
Now that I’ve begun the website and am adding content to it on a regular basis, I feel like I’ve come a full circle myself, of intent to act to action to completion, and now I find myself with momentum and accomplishment and with that comes great responsibility; or at least, gotta stay on this project for at least another couple weeks before spazzing out on a new hobby. Maybe I’ll begin mating exotic frogs.
But if I’ve come full circle on something here with the Stoner’s Guide to Zombie Movies, it just feels right that we keep this spinning theme in full rotation for as long as we can. That said, I’m going to take the whole fucking zombie genre full circle on this one and review The Day of the Living Dead.
See, one of the first classics of the genre was The Night of… and now it’s Day, so I’m wondering how the genre has matured through it’s turn. I must say, before even beginning anything of this (ok, I did just rip a couple huge oil hits after chugging a coffee, so I guess “it’s begun” already) my twitching limbs and flailing fingers and inability to blink attest to high mother fucking gear, and I’m rolling my shoulders and bellowing my nose breaths like a Spanish bull…
DAMN that’s good coffee. And a lot of dab. So what am I working with? There’s a black and white picture of what looks like a chubby Tara Reid sitting at maybe a diner counter- looking sorta incredulously at me. Dunno what she’s looking at. “George A. Lazarus is an insurance investigator who disappears during a routine claim. His heartsick fiancé, Bethany, retraces his steps and discovers that the employees he was investigating also all mysteriously disappeared. As Beverly finds herself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, this simple insurance fraud case may actually be the beginning of the end of the human race.”
Damn that’s a lot of nothing. It sounds sorta noir; the whole private eye thing. A special dick, see? Eh? Dirty rat that killed my brudda!
The name… I’m not going to look it up, but I swear Lazarus is, like, a dude who rose from the dead. And not that guy. Elvis is still cold. But in Paul, a movie that SHOULD GET A FUCKING SEQUEL, Nick and Simon got all fan-boy when they meet the man in black who’s a dick to everyone but turns out to have a heart of gold- anyway, his name is Lazarus something or other and they do one of those “Repeat it staring incredulously at each other and then repeat it in the same tone staring incredulously into the camera” things.
Which I’m pretty sure they didn’t do. They did speak in Klingon though. That was weird. I’m not sure Weaver was the best choice for that role though. The line about holding all the cards, and by cards she means guns… ok, I see why you didn’t do a sequel. But I’d still prefer one WITH Weaver back in that role… wait… she’s a puddle now. Ok. So. Uh…
Look, this movie I’m about to watch really looks like it sucks, it’s only got two stars, I think the only thing that I feel remotely hopeful about is that the director is not starring in the movie. So maybe there’s some semblance of competence. Still wish I was watching a sequel of Paul though. I have a serious issue with noir shit sometimes. Even though it took about 20 seconds to type “Sometimes”, I’m gonna take another hit before I hit play. Sweet. Complete.
Two things I was gonna say but I spaced on. This movie got a lot of balls naming themselves this. It’s like giving yourself a nickname. Not supposed to do it. False Dragon. Danger Zone. But these guys, they claiming some seriously royale fucking lineage. And George? Come on now… Mr. Fucking Romero is more like it. I dig that it’s homage, but if this sucks, you done fucked up. And 2nd– Beck’s Mellow Gold album totally holds up- at least, most of it. I still hate that bullshit last track of all the feedback and shit. I used to fall asleep listening to that (pass out) and then all of a sudden it sounded like we were under attack from Galactica on acid or something. But check it out. Some good tracks still. Let’s get this shit on the road!