City of The Living Dead
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
First half is kinda sorta starts off slow. Not devoid, definitely of substance, but at the same time, slow. And then the second half gets loud and shrieky and in many, many ways follows a similar story arc as the second Indiana Jones movie. If, you know, Indy had to deal with stigmata and murderous teleporting priest corpses. As far as traditional zombie movies go, this one is a slow bit of a stinker. Yes, it’s got everything we need, but there is a lack of sizzle and a feeling of patched together that makes you wary of accepting the premise or actions. The zombies teleport around, the people make stupid decisions and genius leaps of logic to steer the plot around like one of the land yachts it featured. I felt like I was looking at this more than I was watching it, to use an expression my father said. This feels like The Goonies at times, and like Halloween at other times. It never really hits a good stride. That all said, there are really good zombies here. This is the most gory-gore I have ever seen. The maggot-blizzard… is something I want to know more about, like when you pass a horrible car accident. I am on a quest to see all of Fulci’s work, so there is a special reverence for this and his other films. This was created by a master, so it’s worthy of study, if only to see how prone to crippling himself he could be with his over-focus on the most realistic red. This isn’t worth watching for the thrills and chills. This is worth watching for the simple exposure to some real shit that hasn’t been done since. You could say that they broke the mold after making this one, but that’s not exactly a pity. There is something special about horror movies that have children characters, and in this instance, they didn’t hit what they were aiming for. This is a good movie to see and have seen, but nothing I’m going to watch again. I will admit it was nothing like I remembered it and quite better than I’d initially given it credit for.
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- In what closely resembles an 80’s heavy metal music video, a Priest hangs himself
- Somehow, some older guy gets curious about… other stuff happening in the movie
- The guy meets a woman who we’ve seen a couple times in the movie
- They… there’s a kid named John-John… Kinda teaming up… to do… stuff…
- Zombies wear worms and teleport all over the place. They take people’s brains.
- Tunnels and catacombs and burning zombies and the hung priest melting. I mean, burning.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
These are some of the best zombies I’ve seen, especially considering that this is all analog. No digital crap. And for the most part, the zombies were really good and wetly gory. This version of zombies had as many live worms as could stick to the actor in every scene, as well as… boils, pustules… The works. These were zombies but looked like Demons. I don’t like the teleporting aspect- that the zombies can instantly be behind you and holding half your brain before you know it. Kinda makes resistance futile, you know? The hung priest- was he like some sort of super-boss that they had to kill to clear the level? He started feeling like Uncle Dracula popping in to see how the haunting is going.
Where the money went
Where the money went
The money went for gore. Specifically, a metric ton of meal worms and other assorted grubs, everything needed for three eye-bleeding scenes, a lathe-through-the-head, and multiple “Got your brain!” grabs. I feel like I recognized a couple of the actors, and overall, the acting was fine. The script was so muddled and nut-job that there was very little to actually follow. Or at least, I struggled to find anything meaningful in it. I feel like Fulci took the movie’s budget, spread 80% of it across 4 gore scenes he wanted to film, and then used the other 20% to patch these gore-sequences together into something resembling a plot. Half the time I had no idea who was who, once they got turned into a zombie they were even harder to figure out, and the priest just jack-in-the-boxes around at will, staring at people very menacingly.
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
The zombie’s attack of “Got your brain!”. I mean, they reach over and palm your skull like a basketball, then squeeze. And remove one handful of scalp, crushed skull, and brains. There’s not much you can do to escape, either, because- although very few of our heros actually took off running, those that did found out that the zombies can teleport up behind you and rip off the back of your head, so… yeah. A pointy stick is about the best humans could muster against the zombies. “A POINTED STICK??”
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
Yeah. This was a bumper-crop of hands. To begin with, there were some great zombie breaches. The one with all the spiderwebs? One of the best I’ve seen. The “Pile of leaves” one in the beginning… could have been a bit better. But whatever. The best use of hands here was the brain-snatching. We saw so many hands pulp so many brains like so many handfuls of organic peppermint ice-cream.
That was new!
That was new!
So much here was new. The strength of a single hand. The Blizzard of Grubs. Holy shnikeys that was over the top and gross. I repeat that I believe the actress was legitimately puking during filming and they kept it in, since Fulci has a thing for anything foamy and upchucky. Speaking of, I’ve never seen anyone throw themselves up entirely- turn themselves inside out through vomiting. That… And what the fuck was up with the wall bleeding when all the glass flew into it? Why didn’t they get hit by the glass? So much was confusing.
Review Notes
Review Notes
Start off with a scream
*this one* is titled City of the Living Dead
There’s a priest doing a slow walk through a cemetery.
His eyes look SO blazed.
A séance…
A woman with huge eyes and a piranha mouth
A noose? The priest is going to kill himself. I remember this, but thought it happened at the end of the movie?
One of the women at the séance can see the dangling priest.
We have a zombie breach! One just sat up out of the leaves! No hand, just head…
Mary is frothing and down! What is up with these baby sounds?
Mary died? How?
I think that was Charlie Sheen in the ambulance.
That is the most slack-jawed cop I’ve ever seen.
The book of Enoch
“I would find such an unusual paradox of tremendous appeal terribly stimulating if I were a sleuth.” Don’t mess with that lady. She’ll tear your lungs out, Jim…
“Lady, you’re either on grass…” I… can’t stand that expression. Or “Do weed”. God, those make me cringe.
What the fuck? Flames shooting up and down in the corner?
Is… he… a zombie?
Or just a bum?
Creepy place to find an inflatable doll. Creepy for it to self-inflate. Creepy to go caress it.
Oh shit! Worms! Is that a dead baby??
It’s a dead something.
“You’re talking into my deaf ear, pal.”
So… 4 guys talking in a bar and then the mirror shatters?
Oh, shit. The wall just broke. And it’s… oozing fog. That’s bad. That’s bad.
Cat rubbing. Puritanical. Incest.
Some strange stuff about wanting to marry her father. Until he abandoned her.
I would NOT be ok with someone barging in on my therapy session like that. Which reminds me. Time to schedule more analysis.
“Poor Bob. He’s a sick and lonely kid.”
Oh! The cat just scratched her! So, she threw it.
“I saw this porno flick once. Guy humped himself to death.”
Why the hell are they… unburying this guy?
Don’t take notes on a casket. It’s bad form.
I don’t understand the two bodies thing. Are there two bodies in that casket?
A rose doing something strange.
Nothing like leaving a corpse half-buried.
Opening her eyes… Freaking out…
The dude hears her? And keeps walking? I mean, I’d have a hard time not thinking I was crazy.
Oh, so squeamish! They’re doing the broken fingernails thing. I can’t look. I hate this shit. I think she just ran out of air. So now the idiot comes back to check.
Oh, finally, there’s no question any more.
Shit! Be careful where you stick that thing!
More séance talk. And a whole lot of close-ups of people’s eyes.
How is he supposed to re-close the gates? You can’t un-hang a priest. Just saying…
Have I seen this girl before? Bob…
Oh, squick. The dead priest just grabbed her and smothered her mouth with live worms and dirty jellow.
This therapist guy NEVER blinks.
I covet that truck.
Couple out necking… in the scary part of town.
Oh, not good. The hanging priest is flitting in and out of existence.
He’s back!
Oh… fuck. That’s… New. She’s crying tears. Like, rivulets of blood. A LOT.
Foaming a bit, too.
Oh, much more than a bit, now.
What the fuck is coming out of her mouth??
She just puked herself inside out.
Then reached over and pulled a fist-full of the guy’s head away. From the rest of his head.
We have hella-gore. Official hella-gore.
Bob appears to have a bit of a history.
That dickens is bloody worms.
“That kid’s gonna fry. Mark my word.” (singular)
Road trip!
If he hung himself to open a gate of hell, how do you propose to destroy him further?
Oh, nothing like some good old blood-draining mortuary time.
Painting a corpse, painting a corpse…
Oh, Bob. You really do look like a zombie. But they can’t or don’t or won’t ride bikes, so maybe you’re still human.
Damn! Priest just dropped down in front of him. And then vanished, leaving the noose!
Bob takes off running.
“You’re the one who got me out here in the armpit of the world…” I call New Jersey the Armpit of America.
Spending a lot of time with these two corpses…
Bad mortician, robbing the dead! Bad mortician!
Oh, that old lady just bit the shit outta him!
Kid has a self-rocking chair. I think that means Ghost.
Is this Zombie-Vision?
Kid is pretty much made to be bait. It should be in large font on his resume.
Kid lives in a room made out of shutters.
Oh! The dead girl- Emily? Was looking in the window. Her face looked like an expensive pizza.
Back to Wandering Bob. Sketchy Bob.
I once knew a guy that everyone referred to as “Sketchy John”. Except, nobody told him that this was how he was referred to. In my social group, we had a big and little D___, as well as a Devil M____ and Crazy M___. Both aptly named as well.
Rhino. Everything ALMOST comes full circle. I most take a Hobbesian view of things for the nonce. However, you know how I feel about your Social Contract. I’m literally unable to comprehend it. ClusterBeeSorry!
Strange looking telephone.
Sandra is having a nervous breakdown.
So, Bob just jumped down into the basement garage or whatever, and the first thing I noticed was that he looks a bit like Bobcat Goldthwait. The second thing I noticed was that there’s a lathe in the background that both has a really funky spindle thing and is missing the other half of it.
Bob found himself a car. Jesus, I know that feeling.
He have a dare with the tree about parking too close?
That’s a bit of a hand-cannon she’s waving around.
“Tell me the truth. Do you consider me a basket case?”
Something’s in the kitchen… strumming on an old banjo.
Dude! The old lady corpse who bit the guy is cold on Susan’s kitchen floor. Or Sandra. Whatever.
If you hear a noise and then find a corpse, not the worst idea to shoot it just in case.
“Well, I don’t believe in the Twilight Zone, so I guess I’ll call the sheriff.”
Oh. Door creaking and groaning.
I’m pretty sure the pistol has alternated between chrome and blued a couple times.
Got a corpse in the house!
How the fuck is he supposed to tell her…
I would not want someone that nuts behind me.
Oh! Zombie feet! Zombie is hiding!
Whoops! The lights went out!
The windows came in!
The walls… are bleeding. That’s kinda new.
I’m lying. That’s totally new.
I almost went to college in Salem, Ma.
Really try not to lie to priests. It’s just good… betting practice.
Nice stash spot.
Oh, shit. Yeah, the lathe has a huge drill bit on it, and it just got turned on. And this is Fulci, so… I’m guessing he gets it in the eye?
2 hours later…
Well, no. Straight through the side of the head and out the other.
That’s not a lathe bit, or thing, or whatever they’re called. I should learn again, I guess.
So, Bob’s done.
Where would a church bury a priest who committed suicide in the cemetery? Sounds like a bad joke whose punchline has something defamatory towards the Irish.
A blizzard of grubs! Whoah. That’s a LOT. HOLY SHIT. New gore-level. I think she may actually be puking. Things are an inch deep!
I would not still be in that room. That is a fact.
I’m so afraid of grubs going into his ears…
John-John. Looks like someone dosed him.
Oh. The ceiling is dripping red.
“It was like she was dead. And she was eating mummy and daddy.” Astute kid.
An “examining the funeral home” montage… Set to high pressure sodium lights.
The green carpet had a hand print in it? It’s a clue, but to what?
In undergrad I had a green carpet that was about an inch deep. I once found a Dorito in it.
Yuck. Pizza corpse face is under the stairs.
Oh, shit! I just jumped. BIG time.
It’s another “handful of head” grab.
John-John is off on the Lam-Lam.
He better hide-hide or he’ll be dead-dead.
Oh shit, that’s not fair. I have no idea who that zombie is, but he just materialized in the air 3 stories above John-John, then leapt down and grabbed him. I don’t want him to survive or anything, but do the zombies have to be super-powered?
He’s off running again… sneaking around… all by himself.
Emily corpse is there and Jesus, she’s scary as hell.
Dude, blinking is not going to work in the long term. They grab fist-fulls of people’s heads.
Yeah, I’d do a shut-in at the bar, too. Damn, we used to have good times.
Maybe the bar isn’t that great a place… Yup. Dead outside.
Meanwhile, these idiots exploring the graveyard looking for the hung priest again.
Bad juju rustling sounds.
But… there’s also… monkey hooting sounds being played? Why are they playing jungle noises in the cemetery at 3 in the morning?
Fulci loves his sweaty face close-ups.
These zombies just teleport wherever they want to be.
How do you fit all those Thomas’s in that one box?
Who is this Roger Moore looking guy? He’s super-familiar.
Why the FUCK is he climbing down into the crypt box? Oh. Those are stairs down. Fuck that noise.
Three on a flashlight. Bad juju.
Spring-loaded rat!
Dude! It’s empty! There’s a passageway on the other side!
Three Stooges in the catacombs!
Spring-loaded skeleton!
Sandra-zombie is here. And doing the head-fist thing. Doesn’t take the rats long to join in. That’s pretty graphic.
More eye-bleeding!
So much sweaty eye-close-ups!
Well, he stabbed the Sandra-corpse in the belly and she bled a lot and fell over. The power of a point stick.
There’s a dozen skeletons all hung upside down? Or crawling out of their graves down? The ceiling is skeletons, ya’ll! It’s like an R-rated Indiana Jones set!
The soundtrack has been reduced to synthesized feedback.
Oh, that’s good zombie breach. A handout of the dirt and spiderwebs, then sitting up… Dude looks kinda like a young Bob Ross.
Do they not know corpses are on the way?
Now they do.
They turn to leave, and the hung priest teleports in and stares at them. Menacingly.
More eye-bleeding.
He just stabbed the priest corpse in the nuts, and then he burst into flames.
All the zombies have burst into flames. Evidently, it’s all the rage these days.
Then… the happy ending… gets ruined by something we’re not allowed to know what is?
That’s lame.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
If I’ve learned anything from the science fiction movies, it’s that we shouldn’t “Play God”. What does this mean? If I’m driving and pretending I’m a speeder yet driving under the limit, I’m not breaking any laws. It’s just play. I mean, so is speeding, but there are fiscal consequences for getting nabbed by The Man.
If you ask me what I’m doing this weekend and I reply “Gathering up some dehydrated food and playing astronaut.”, you’re not going to assume that NASA has suddenly both quit drug testing and dropped their standards. Why then, every time someone decides to splice genes or raise the dead, it’s referred to as “Playing God”?
Playing God sounds more like… I don’t know- taking mushrooms while wearing a fluffy white robe and walking on the beach taking hits of helium and telling strangers what changes to make in their lives. Like, don’t eat this on that day. Just, because.
Playing God? How is that different from Playing Scientist? I had one of those really old science kits when I was a kid- the kind that had all the actual minerals and chemicals and stuff. I don’t think I ever did anything with any of it though. I’m not really into chemistry, aside from the end results.
Where did the term “playing god” originate? Why is it assumed that the grand deity wouldn’t want the imitation? It’s the most sincere sign of flattery, after all. I’m also not really sold on the idea of an insecure God, either. Or a vengeful, wrath-filled one, either. Like, with my dogs, I’m nominally in charge, but only because I’ve got higher capacity for reasoning and even luckier, thumbs.
But if they were to… play human… by… driving my car without crashing it *again*, then I’d send them on errands and stuff. They’d be playing human, so would I then be playing God? I think there is one small segmented slice of playing God that I do indulge in as often as possible. I’m not able to clone anything, so instead, I feed stuff to other stuff that wouldn’t have had a chance to try that thing without what amounts to divine intervention.
Consider this example if you will. I have fed small stream minnows in New Hampshire turkey chili. What tiny fish would ever have an opportunity to taste turkey? Or tomatoes, for that matter? I’ve fed popsicles to cows. When I gnaw off little dry bits of finger ends, I give them to my dog to eat. Is any of this playing god? I don’t think so.
If it is, then- what is so bad about it? I get it, some people are squeamish. That’s fine, enjoy yourself. Why do they say “Playing God” when they actually mean “Mutating DNA” or something significantly more succinct? Is it some sort of social code? Playing at something- by definition- is not actually doing the thing, but rather, pretending to go through the motions of doing the thing. Do I have this basic assumption right?
If not, I have vastly misunderstood what being a “player” in rap music means. They’re playing at love, playing with people’s emotions. So- if I’m playing god, am I playing with DNA? Give me any other technical description of sex then, please? It’s the original Playing God Playground. You down with PGP? Yeah, you know me.
Why, when people were breeding cats, didn’t anyone hold up a hand and say “Hey, that’s unnatural to take their choice of mates away in order to produce a desired outcome in the offspring.”? Why didn’t some say “Hey, put those cats down and stop playing god!”?
So we’ve got all sorts of domesticated everything, which was all created by playing god, yet we’re now supposed to put all our tools up on the shelf, dust off our hands, and declare everything finished? Unless, of course, you’re an animal breeder or eugenicist or something?
There’s another thing that needs to be considered, which is the true understanding of our environment. It may very well be that this is all an artificial construct or some other sort of cosmic jam and nothing at all is real. Has everything perceived then been a product of god-playing? I’d have to say yes.
Can dogs hallucinate smells? Like, I hallucinate every once in a while. It’s always something out of the corner of my eye, and it’s usually a cat. Sometimes though, it’s a bug squiggling away to hide. Total Naked Lunch type shit, but I never went that far. I never huffed the dust.
I’ve taken large quantities of hallucinogens from time to time, and although I rarely have the traditional cartoony “Seeing something that isn’t there” moment, I’ve had my share of flinching away from a poster of a leaping tiger and all that other illusionist crap that happens when electrons start skipping the rails and ping-ponging like free-radicals through your coconsciousness.
What would a dog think of the smell of a giraffe? Assuming, of course, that the dog has never encountered a giraffe? Talk about a Jeffrey. Poor dog’s nose would be feeding back reams of inconceivable information. Is there any way that that the dog could get a sense of the giraffe’s size by the smell of it?
I wonder if dogs would enjoy a monthly subscription service where they’re sent swatches of cloth that have been rubbed on different animals across the globe. I wonder what animal’s smell would be the most popular?
I wonder if humans would enjoy a monthly subscription service where they’re sent swatches of cloth that have been rubbed on different celebrities. I mean, if you could guarantee that the person was going to get a whiff of pure Essence D’Elvis– air that had been captured rolling off the sequined man himself at the height of his bloated Las Vegas residency, I can bet that with the right promotion you could start a bidding war. It’s experience, not objects that make one rich.
“And let the wreckage show… I took the blows… And did it MYYYYYYY WAAAAAYYYYY!” So. City of the Living Dead “The Seven Gates Of Hell have been torn open, and in three days the dead shall rise and walk the earth. As a reporter (Christopher George of Pieces) and a psychic (Catriona MacColl of The Beyond) race to close the portals of the damned, they encounter a seething nightmare of unspeakable evil. The city is alive – with the horrors of the living dead!”
First thing I gotta say is I’ve seen this one a couple times already. Second thing I gotta say is that I don’t think it’s very good. Third thing I gotta say is I remember about 12 seconds of it, and that itself is fuzzy and possible something else entirely. Fourth thing I gotta say is that this is Lucio Fulci. Sooner or later, it must be watched- just like those slightly forgettable Romero flicks from what, the late 90’s? I really have no idea what I’m talking about, it’s more a fuzzy memory being propped up by the coffee.
I have a choice of paying $3.99 to watch The Gates of Hell- which appears to be the same movie, or I can rent City of the Living Dead for $1.99. Hmmm… hard decision here. Stoked for two dollars. The other thing I got firing me up is The Clash. The only band that ever mattered. They got that classic “City of the Dead”. It’s not my favorite of their catalog, but it’s a good tune. Quite rollicky and rocking. A good amount of dissonance and yelling.
Just took a second to run through another listening of it. I read this in the YouTube description. “”City of the Dead” is the first Clash song to feature additional instrumentation beyond just the bass/guitars/drums/vocals quartet. In this case, the recording features saxophone and pianos” So although it’s damn near impossible to tell what they’re singing about, the chorus rings loud and legible. “Woo-ooo!”
All of this conspires to send me into this watching riding on what I fear is a false sense of optimism. Yes, this is Fulci, but it’s another of the “Because… HELL!” type movies that doesn’t necessarily always tie things up with any semblance of intelligence. There’s also that mention of a psychic, which I never really get on board with since in my mind, there’s one psychic. That lady from The Poltergeist. With the shrill voice.
Got a logics question that just popped up, too. If the gates of hell have been torn open, why is there going to be a three-day delay in the dead’s return? The whole thing feels just slightly bureaucratic. You know, I just re-read the above and came to the sentence about not being able to clone things, and I’m stupid. Of course I’ve cloned things. I have 8 houseplants that were cloned out of 2.
When I had my grow-room, I was taking and growing clones. So, I guess, what I should have said is that “I’m not able to clone any animals that I’m interested in cloning.” because I’m sure that there’s some way for me to take a scalpel and some sugar water and create two worms out of one or something and this is just gross “Your kid is gonna have a weird, rough life if they’re already cutting bugs apart.” stuff. I don’t care what kind of science kit you bought them. They shouldn’t be playing god with it.