Deadlocked
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
Wow. I’m really glad I watched that. Not as in “I chose wisely”, but as “Jesus, I just didn’t see how good that movie could be. I didn’t see the potential.” And I mean, look objectively at what it’s about? Getting trapped in an elevator during a zombie apocalypse. I think most of us would happily just wait out as much of the mayhem as possible before getting involved, but this Ragtag team, man… So, maybe I have a couple gripes about a casting choice, or a plot decision; that’s all secondary to the fact that this movie made me fucking jump. This isn’t a conventionally frightening movie- except, when it is- but it’s more of a sine wave roller-coaster dump the clutch and scream Whoooo! type experience… but how much Whoooo! can you have when you’re in a fucking elevator? See? I thought to myself, “Why, that doesn’t sound like very much Whoooo! at all indeed!” but I didn’t take FUCKING CONNOR into the mix. Dude, you’re fucking scary. You remind me of a roommate from college who was sketchier than hell- I once woke up and found him in his tighty whiteys going through my wallet and he tried to play it off like he was doing yoga. Seriously. But then this other time, I was chilling with a friend and we’d just burned a couple bowls and was settling down to watch The Simpsons– A pastime that took up at least 30% of my time in undergrad- anyway, roommate comes in hammered from some party, and in an attempt to impress my female friend, *throws* himself backwards in a huge leaping arc to land on his bed, but he’s drunk and he over-pushes it and the first thing to stop flying backwards is his skull ‘cause of the concrete dorm wall. The THONK sound… like a softball bat hitting a waterlogged golf ball. Such a sweet sound! And Connor. I didn’t expect any of this shit from you! The depth, range, intensity… you’re a fucking creepy guy! I think it could have been a mistake to kill you off like that, but then again, there’s only so much you can do with a zombie in an elevator before you have to kill it. And really, the plot was stagnating a bit with, you know, everything being confined to an elevator. I’ve gotta say, I wasn’t the hugest fan of the silly shit like the video-call, but the line of tip-toeing zombies? Shit, that shit was fucking scary! Of course the little girl was going to be zombie, but the way you sprung the alarm! I don’t know if this movie suffered from too much funding or not enough. Everything you did. EVERYTHING. You did well. Not sure why you CGI’d a couple of the zombie movements, but hell, the zombies looked great. The scary walk? Connor? This isn’t a completely new movie by any standards, but it is an original. This team put thought and heart and blood sweat and tears into this movie, and the result is a great little ride. This one is worth watching with a friend, even. Preferably, one who likes zombie movies, or at least likes getting startled, but this is a fine meal even if one is dining alone on a slow Tuesday. For the ambiance, for the startles, for the zombies, I have to green light this one. I am pleased! Well done!
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- After the world’s shortest acid trip, we’re in an elevator
- As the world goes to hell, Connor trips balls and goes to hell
- A series of forays from the elevator go… about as expected.
- Scooby Doo and the Zombie Gang are after you!
- We have run out of road, so we set ourselves up for a sequel.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
These are some creepy zombies. Like, playing head games with you zombies. Watching the line of them tip-toeing down the stairs was scary ass shit. These are thinking, planning zombies. They lay ambushes. They use distractions. They remember your name after you plug’m twice in the chest. The basics are the same, you get bit, you turn. We never really learn nor have an inclination to care about how or why this shit is going down. Being trapped in an elevator with Connor is enough shit to have to focus on. So- Connor is infected from the beginning, but he first freaks out when the lights go out… then he’s got red on him… and then the whole “The Ring” walk thing. I mean, yeah, maybe the scary walk and the silent walk weren’t the same, and maybe there could have been a little more info here, but come on folks! This is a movie that takes place in a fucking elevator for the most part. There aren’t any scientists, thank God. No one needs to get across the country to find a scientist who knows the key to…. Nicholas Cage isn’t required to understand the plot here, and you don’t need to know anything more than what they give you when they give you and you’ll take your startling and like it. I promise. Scary zombies.
Where the money went
Where the money went
So here’s something that isn’t always brought to the forefront, but the sound effects of this movie were great, they really made it. Everything from that initial scream up through the ambiance and then the thumping of John from 419… Headphones with her beatdown… The sound on this movie was dope. Big Kudos. I also have to congratulate your use of the set. You had some stairwells to shoot in, but you waited until the elevator was completely done… And then the shots that you did use… down the hallway over and over… I think the only place where there was any real lack was just the non-essentials of the script. The stuff that we’re not supposed to notice, like when you’re trying to take something that should film in 3 minutes and push it out to take up 5. At no point did you stumble or misstep, but a little more time with the script could have tuned it so that we’re not following as much as being chased ourselves. Big respect too to the zombie makeup. Spot on! Every time a coconut!
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
As I watched the movie, I was wondering what I’d end up putting here, because the characters didn’t really do a great job of fighting back, and they sure weren’t inventive about weapons. I loved the frying pan that isn’t, and Lump’s play is perfect, but when you see lightning and hear thunder then that’s what it is and in this case it’s Headphones going full Rampage Jackson on that zombie. That we took such a nice character, the victim of the initial bullying, and converted her into the fucking two-fisted terminator? And then she goes full rugby mode and takes on the hall? Headphones, you are the best weapon. You are the saving grace. I think it’s funny that the whole movie I was afraid that suddenly Lump was going to turn and savagely beat Macklemore, and then when the crazy beat-down occurs it’s got nothing to do with neither of them. It’s just Headphones, who has had enough.
That was new!
That was new!
This isn’t new, but they did it new. The zombie Scooby-Doo and the gang silent creeping around. Jesus, that’s scary as hell. Running, door slapping hooligan zombies are annoying, but they announce themselves and generally stay outside. But when Olivia is out and they’re doing to stupid video-call thing… man. That was scary. So here, I’ll present it in the analogy of stone. What new that was brought to the table here was tiny, yet far from insignificant. What was brought was fucking proof that a small budget and inventive mind can take a known idea and make it scary again. King said that the thing that makes something scary is you switch a known common variable so that it’s uncommon- the example he uses is a person alone in a house getting calls from a stalker outside the house. If it’s a woman in the house and a man outside, well, that’s just another fucking CSI episode. But if it’s a guy inside and a woman outside, we get the thrill of “Why the fuck?” “What the fuck?” We want to know why he’s hiding from her when we consider the man the more dangerous. What has she done already? See? It makes us tingle. And that’s what this little diamond pendant of a moment does so well. It is the crystalline proof that a willingness to look inside at the little shit that scares us is the best source of horror writing. Zombies are so fucking scary that they don’t care if you know they’re there. They’re coming in the fucking windows, not exactly dainty. But only showing us the feet… in such silence… Who do I kiss?
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
I applaud and commend this movie on their reverence for such sacred art. This movie has the most fucking hands of any movie so far. I can’t imagine any movie doing the hands better! I’ll admit, we needed one out of the dirt to really clinch the GOAT award, but starting off with the classic “Hands out of the bed” and then we have a dismembered hand landing in the elevator? Shit, if that’s started crawling around that’d been something else. Would have scared me exponentially, but I’m glad they didn’t convolute up the plot. Then we close the movie out with the hands pressing in against the door that cannot be shut… these are classic fucking scenes, people! And they are gorgeous! The hands at the very end breaking through the door and grabbing Macklemore? That’s some Michael Jackson Thriller type shit right there. Damn tasty. Damn tasty.
Review Notes
Review Notes
I would love to take another hit, but that one… Ow… Dab sweats… off with hoodie.. Wool socks…. Pressing play
Zombies on the tv, zombies on the couch. The Last Man on Earth! That was a classic. Will Smith and CGI screwed it up for sure.
Macklemore’s light is… a fish globe.
I’m tripping. Mirror, mirror…
Ok, that was a trippy intro. I like it. I think.
Ah! Ok, got me. Those were great hands! I’m kinda creeped out.
I hate dream within a dream stuff. A good way to end up outside without pants on.
We’re meeting another character? Dumping out wine and filled with regret.
A gambler.
A… backpack enthusiast.
An inhaler.
Macklemore is a cop. He’s got a prisoner.
Is this THE elevator?
Kinda feeling cold. Dab sweats are wearing off.
Title.
Elevator going down, elevator stops.
I think there’s 5 of them? I always look at the male to female ratio when I’m in these scenarios. I guess that’s my priorities right there.
Call for help, no help. Officer Macklemore to the… radio.
A 10-16 is taking Macklemore’s partner off.
Frat boy, Macklemore, Lump…
What the fuck??? I’m sitting here naming the characters, then the lights in the elevator go out and the frat boy starts screaming about missing an audition- I thought he was gonna go zombie right there- but then the lights came on and everything is normal? This movie likes fucking with you.
They’re all looking around like maybe he did actually just have that freakout? I’m so confused.
If someone freaked out that badly… he doesn’t remember…
Headphones girl. Frat boy. Jackie. Connor.
I’m fucking scared. She might not be, but I am. This is creepy.
“Have you suffered any head trauma recently?”
Lights go out again…
I like Lump.
That was a very convincing scream… Shit is right.
2nd startle. Nice.
3rd. Fuck!
And Conor… Frat..
Asthma…
Connor don’t looks so good. And he’s acting insane. And owie.
Lamaze breathing. Connor is holding his side like he’s hurt.
Lump is a helpful guy.
Macklemore is the most useless cop imaginable. Help is 2 hours out? Ya’ll fakked.
The radio dispatcher knows that much about tampering with elevators? I’m getting tired of disembodied computerish voices “telling me stuff” that I have to take as if it’s mission fucking parameters. Ever since Res Evil got away with playing that cool music and then the cool building graphic zoom in while the computer’s voice narrates everything until we snap into real time with our actors…
I mean, nothing that cool is happening here. But I don’t like the laziness of that contrivance.
“Why did you become a cop?” Man, this shit is getting deep fast!
And this elevator is about the size of a bedroom.
“Keep it together, loser.” THIS is what cops say when they need to buck themselves up? Not feeling optimistic here!
Connor got the itch…
Man, they really shoe-horning crap into crap here to ensure they got enough to make this movie length. An asthma attack? Calling daddy? Arguments about who can be left alone?
“I’m pretty sure you can’t force me to babysit against my will.”
Connor is tripping balls.
Tugging the doors open? That is the genius idea? And then letting go? Wow. She’s an engineer.
Handing around a bottle of water.
Why has no-one mentioned to Connor that he’s got red on him?
And they’re gonna let him… drink from the single bottle?
Lump and headphones… arguing… filler…
FUCK. Connor you FUCK. Jesus. Fuck!
Scary Blue Steel. That was Scary Blue Steel.
So 2 of the people know there’s a crazy monster thing in Connor.
They’ve got a little inch of space up at the top where they pried the doors open.
John from 419.
Connor losing his shit…
“Are you the makeup lady?”
My throat is shredded. Ouch.
“Did you say a 10-34?” I just paused to look it up. It’s one of the 2 meaning ones. “Open Window” as well as “Riot”. I like it. Almost as much as 10-94.
Uh… so…. That was scary and Macklemore sucks.
Connor just went The Ring on Headphones, and then Lump came to the rescue, but Connor was doing the clawing on the floor thing trying to get to Headphones, so Macklemore tasered Headphones.
John from 419 is back with the inhaler.
John from 419 really wants into the elevator.
Sounds… approaching.
John from 419 is yanked away…
John from 419 is hobbling away with red on his leg.
A-HA!! I saw THAT one coming!
Really good lo-fi sound effects. Feels like old zombie movie energy.
White-shirt zombie just reached in, tried to get Olivia, then wanders off…
Damn my throat is harshed.
Connor wants his mommy!
A zombie tries to get in… and we get a hand. Literally.
For reals, dismembered hands crawling around is totally one of my scariest things ever.
Headphones just happens to have a barrier with her? Why not Narcan? That’d be fun to watch-
FUCK! Connor! You bastard! What is that? Like, 7??
Takes 2 to the chest… unphased… Knows the name of the cop still.
Mop. Mop.
That’s good gore. Understated, but good.
And then there was…4.
Macklemore just rubbed red in his eyes.
Dumping one’s backpack out on the floor is generally considered strange. Like, kooky-ville.
Happens to be carrying around a hatchet? I like her style, but there’s so many places you can’t get into if you’re carrying a hatchet.
Now we’re with the sister in an FUCK!
And yeah.
Good scare.
Olivia wants out!
Team-work for idiocy!
Should be blood on the floor. From the hand.
John from 419 is back! And zombiefied, And somehow CGI’d strangely.
You keep on knocking but you can’t come in!
It’s occurring to me that these people have really accomplished nothing in the hour or so they’ve been locked together.
Macklemore’s partner… something about getting overrun, evacuations…
Opening the door for, like, the 5th time. This hasn’t worked any other time.
So… we’re going to do a video call throughout this little reecee?
Macklemore… this is not the time to start stripping.
Just gave Olivia his gun. Dumb. I hope Lump remains a good guy.
We’re in the elevator watching a phone…
Everyone is in white t-shirts…
The always scary shot down through the middle of the stairs, seeing the zombie coming up them, knowing you have to go up but up is trapped.
John from 419
Is PISSED.
Fuck, this is so creepy!
“Your shoes look great.”
I agree that the video call was a bad idea.
RETREAT!!!
Ok. The zombie Scooby and the gang sneaking around on tippy toes is fucking scary.
It’s not like I wasn’t sitting there waiting for it to happen. I was steeled against it, I was! But it still got me!
And… Olivia, evidently.
Lump is rocking a DIO tattoo. That’s awesome. “Like a Rainbow in the dark!!”
Lumps tattoos are nothing convincing, he doesn’t need them for the part.
Macklemore the Optimist.
Headphones gets a last voicemail from a photo of her parents. Marshmallows. Roasting fucking marshmallows. I hates it, I does!
The sound of child crying…
Jesus. Now there’s a little girl sitting in the hall outside the elevator. But she’s not looking up or reacting. So the three of them going to argue for a while.
Lump is the only smart one here. And I named him Lump.
SHE’S NOT A KID! Jesus, she’s a zombie! How can you not know this?
THROW YOUR SHOE AT HER!
Don’t lean over her…
Oh shit. Headphones is fucked.
Ok. That’s gotta be one of the best images in buddy movies. Macklemore and Lump with a flashlight and a frying pan, ready to head out into the brawl.
Lotta stuff to unpack… They got jumped! The frying pan failed! There was a lot of almost biting!
Headphones got bit!
That was a creepy approach. The zombie walk scary.
“When’s mom going to be back?”
Elevator full of zombies…
Hallway full of zombies…
John from 419!!
Olivia is back! With gun and hatchet! And attitude!
Blood on the floor…
Bloody baseball bat.
Lump is fighting them off at the door!
Macklemore throws his gun!
Olivia’s sister is a zombie!
Ring around the Rosie!
Zombies pushing in!
An… ashtray? Is Headphones tripping out?
“Your dad wants to play one of his games.”
Snake eyes. What does that mean?
What the fuck is with this smoke?
Parents no bueno!
Headphones done gone cray!
John from 419 makes it in!
And Headphones goes full ground and pound on him. Damn. Didn’t see that coming.
Sisters gonna work it out!
Headphones is going out the door!
She… must have played rugby.
So much red on them.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying with her.” Talking about a corpse.
Macklemore is giving away his watch!
That means something, man. That means something.
Macklemore won’t leave until Olivia does. Not sure why. Maybe he fell in love?
Lump makes it across the ledge to… someplace else.
Olivia starts drinking, and it looks like she’s got something written on her face? Is this where her sister scratched her? Looks like a haiku.
The hand punching in through the door!
So HOW THE FUCK DOES IT END??
Ok, they all decided to live. That final game of chicken between the idiots was good.
Fun moment of…
I wouldn’t have gotten back in the elevator. Nope.
And the three of them bash and stab their way into the horizon.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
Thoughts going into it? I want my two dollars. And what I mean by that is I want the two dollars that I already spent tonight to rent T.O.R.R. Dawn of the Red, but then I saw that it only had three reviews, and something crumpled in my gut where resolve is supposed to be so I made sure that I still got a month to watch it and I peeled away like a Top Gun reference and went looking for something else to watch.
Something that some other people, like, ones not involved in the production, or related to people in the cast; had watched. I ended up looking this one up. Deadlocked. I suppose that’s a pun, maybe? “While a zombie virus breaks out, one group of elevator passengers suddenly finds themselves stranded inside while the outbreak raves the city. This ragtag crew of strangers must band together for a fighting chance of survival against an infected rider and the clever horde that awaits them outside.”
I think this is the 2nd “trapped in an elevator during the zombie apocalypse” movie that I know of? But I can’t think of the other one’s name, and instead I keep landing on Pontypool, which I think was a pretty good one about a radio announcer and a guy trapped in a toilet? Like, not literally Train Spotting trapped in a toilet, but like, in a toilet stall or a small bathroom or something similar. Then there’s the Zombieland bathroom scene, or scenes? Memorable. Even if empirically, not.
So, my biggest issues are the phrasing, I think. I’m tired of Ragtag. The A-Team was Ragtag. Motley Crue is Ragtag. And they want a fighting chance? That’s a specific kind. I’m just being petty now. So they couldn’t afford a good copy-writer, that’s no reason anyone needs to have their lower extremities broken.
I just get my hankles all in a panty-bundle when I have to wade through marketing garbage like that first sentence. The second one though, that’s a doozie. So not only do they got a zombie in the elevator with them, but then there’s a clever horde of them waiting downstairs or something.
Clever zombies. It’s not always a great thing. Example- why, suddenly, in 28 Weeks, is the dad zombie fixated on his children? I feel like they changed the mythos right at the wrong time with that one. The first movie, my God- what a masterpiece. And the first 15 or so minutes of the 2nd, the assault and then fleeing of the farmhouse, Jeebers, that’s some of the best I’ve ever seen.
And then they decided to make a clever zombie and see where that got them. I really don’t remember how it ended. Pretty sure the kids and the mom are ok. Not sure about the dad. I’ll need to rewatch that one. But here’s something I want to clue in on because it might be a clue! The word “Horde”. Now, if you’re with me, I think there’s a pretty damn good (God, don’t let me be wrong and handing out awful advice) French zombie movie called The Horde, and the reference here, the little elbow nudge, I think that’s what got me interested.
The still photo is some hulked out Macklemore dude in white shirt mid-scream, like, about to charge the line shit. And there’s a cynical looking woman behind him, and then one of the roadies from a Faith No More tour. So I guess they’re gonna make it down, in the elevator. I wonder how much of the fear is the “Is this thing gonna fall?” variety?
That stuff doesn’t bother me anywhere as much as uncertainty of human behavior. You know what I mean? I’ll happily dangle from a worn rope, secure that the answer to “is the worn rope going to hold him or break” has already been written, time is not linear- everything that could happen has happened yet nothing has occurred at all yet- but if that rope is gonna break, I’m fine with them being the odds and that being the universe.
But if you add another person into the mix, is that other person going to nefariously drop me? Then it all goes to hell. Like this intro. My wife told me I didn’t need any coffee. But what I mean is that I trust fate and time, but I don’t trust other people. I trust my wife. But not some random holding a rope with me on the other end.
In this scenario as I imagine it, the other guy is Kevin Costner and he’s wearing a big black duster coat and I’m dangling off a cliff, like at the Grand Canyon. This isn’t me on any sort of anti-Kevin Costner crusade or anything either here. I believe I have made myself clear where Kevin stands. I just don’t trust him to not nefariously drop me.
This past week has been pretty rough, I got sick. Like, everything inside comes back up outside sick. And I don’t have any issue with vomiting. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m proud of being the drunk that never ever vomited anywhere that he wasn’t supposed to, meaning, like, in a sink or a shrubbery. Little D____s Thunderbird was both an accident and an outlier, so that doesn’t count.
But this weekend! My God! The upchucking! I wasn’t feeling good, so I ate a package of cookies. But I did it in a responsible way. Like, I parsed the cookies out over a while and I drank a bottle of orange juice too. And then laid down for 6 hours. And then projectiled it repeatedly.
I was heaving so hard and fast that the little clinical part of my brain, you know the one that never shuts up, and always has something interesting to say in the clarity of an emergency when time seems to stop… usually, that little voice is saying “Turn your head or you’re going to break your nose when you hit.”, but this time, as I was yuking, the little voice was helping me count out the meter of my hurls, the recovery time after a hurl, the “countdown to next hurl” clock, the saliva to acids ratio observer, the little voice was advising me on when it might possibly be safe to draw a bit of breathe without inhaling any of my vomit.
It was like when I’m swimming underwater, trying for the length of the pool, and I’m paying attention to how much air it feels like I have left, and how my body feels as it moves, but this time, it was more in the vein of monitoring when my airway was clear enough to drag in a quarter breathe of air before everything reversed and the tide went out again.
I was bent over the toilet, heaving and trying to breathe, and all I could think about was that I did not want to die like Scott Bohn, primarily because he was such a silly looking guy. Have you seen pictures of him? He looks like the guy that hangs around at the gas station ‘cause they won’t give him a job there. I’m sorry, but I think the song “The Jack” is horrible. There’s some good ones on that album, but Jesus…
I don’t want to die (But I sometimes wish…) and have my wife find me dead on the bathroom floor in a pile of sweet, orange puke. That’s just such a cliché, you know?
We got three stars. Three. Not three and a half. Three. That’s a scary number. It could mean anything. But more importantly, it’s got 146 reviews. So that means that, like, some people have watched it. And some of them might have liked it. Since I spent this entire weekend playing “let’s not aspirate our own vomit” I’d like to relax a bit.
The gym treated me fine today, laddies. I’m going to refill this coffee (and nod a subtly apology towards my wife, I never take the right advice) and then get DOWN with the dab rig, and then fire this elevator ride up! Going…Down? Mr. Tyler? Man, I hate that song. I’d say I hated that band, but after seeing them accidently, I gotta say they put on a great show. And my wife does a great “Aerosmith Librarian” grin. VAVAVOOM! Also, why the hell doesn’t anyone read Bukowski anymore? Post Office, I think it was… that was one of my favorite… novels? Would he accept that? Anyway, I liked the book. But it’s not for everyone.