Re-Animator
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
This is sorta rough to say, but I don’t think that held up as well as people thought it did. It’s not a traditional zombie movie either, with the emphasis being re-animation instead of zombification. The whole point of what they’re doing is so that they *don’t* end up with zombies. The theory is you can come back and not be evil and depraved and violently psychotic. But what kinda story would that be? Boring. So they spice it up with… like… hospital politics, and love stories, and missing cats… It’s a well-made movie from a time ruled by sterner limitations. All the effects are analog and propelled mainly by geysers of red. It’s definitely dated in the same way that Repo Man feels like a script reading by people who just met and don’t like each other. It’s part of the movie, and when you’re feeling like it, it’s part of the charm. If it’s not really your bag of tea though, you end up with a fucked up mish-mash that’s up there with Bad Taste in terms of WTF? and overall lunacy. The plotline is so simple that they try to convolute it, but who cares? It’s a gross-out gore flick. And a strange, good one at that. Now, here’s where I say it. It’s not my kind of movie. It wasn’t funny enough to be a comedy, it wasn’t scary enough to be horror, it wasn’t intelligent enough to be science fiction- it’s sort of a in between them all effort that… didn’t really land with me. But I know this is one of my own limitations in that there’s sub-genres of movies within genres that I love that rub me the wrong way. Yeah, that made very little sense. But this movie never really had a chance with me. It was too much of other stuff to really be good zombie. Maybe some of that other stuff was good cult classic movie stuff too, but I wanted zombie, and although there was a lot of great zombie, it just wasn’t on point. It was too weird. This is me saying it though, so think it through. It wasn’t so weird that I couldn’t stomach it. My quarrel is that they removed what could have been really good, focused zombie to add in the lunacy that made this movie the classic that it is. I believe it belongs on cult classic top number lists, but I don’t think it belongs on the zombie ones.
I’ll say this seriously though- there’s a bit of sexual aggression and not respecting “no” here. That’s scarier than anything else in it, really.
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- Little short runt of a fellow named West pisses everyone off
- West breaks some pencils. (I did this once to a guidance counselor and got shipped to a quaker commune boarding school 1500 miles away. But, you know.)
- The cat came back… still pretty much a goner
- Hill loses his head and regains it after a fumble and heads towards the end zone
- The headless Hill tries raping Daddy Dean Zombie’s daughter
- Enough chaos that we’re effectively confused and then they end it quite well.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
The whole point of what the characters were trying to do was re-animate corpses without them turning into zombies. So… the emphasis wasn’t enough on zombies. That’s not saying that there wasn’t a whole lot of great zombie shit in here- Mr. Purple did a great ape-hooey, and then later in the morgue shit went down and got crazy, but this was closer to an anything goes type of situation regarding evil instead of a specific “zombies wanna eatcha brain” threat. They really just made shit up as they went, but they gave zombies laser lobotomies that actually aren’t failsafe, and they tried to molest a naked girl with a decapitated corpse while the head cheers him on… The decapitated zombie head gets squeezed so all the zombies clutch their heads in pain? See what I mean? They straight made shit up as they went in order to support the silly plot device of trying to raise the dead without carnage ensuing. Don’t get me wrong- this is worth watching for the zombies- but this really isn’t about the zombies, and that makes watching it kinda irritating. What was that final tentacle crap?
Where the money went
Where the money went
Glow in the dark green shit. Purple body paint. Nerdy glasses. But what the fuck was that Lovecraft callout about? I wonder how much they spent for that? I’ve read a lot of his shit- most of it’s harder to get through than Nietzsche, and he didn’t write about this kinda tripe. This was a gore movie from a special time in gore movie history, so it’s natural that 90% of the budget went for special effects. Red special effects.
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
I think the best weapon was the door. I admit, there’s a lot of weapons here. But the pure savagery of Mr. Purple knocking the door over onto Daddy Dean, and then pausing to leap up and down on it, crushing the man beneath… I don’t like thinking zombies, but this time it felt right. Somewhat. I also liked that everything tried to throw everyone else at things. People got thrown into walls. Heads were chucked out into hallways.
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
For a movie that I keep saying isn’t a zombie movie, there was a lot of hands shown in this movie. There was the severed hand with still-twitching fingers, so I’m not sleeping tonight. West’s final reaching hand out of the fog… Daddy Dean’s hands smashing through the door- these were all excellent hand moments. Then later in the morgue, with all the bodies sitting up? Man, that scares me. I love it. Remember whatever Nightmare on Elm Street it was where the bloody body bag is dragged by an invisible force down the school’s hallway? That was the kind of scare that they got with some of this stuff- it was good.
That was new!
That was new!
I have never seen a movie so dedicated to preserving the truth that bodies in morgues are naked, so if you revive them all, you’re going to have a bunch of naked people leaping around. There was very much nude zombie havoc, and it was awesome. Years ago in another life I got my EMT Basic license. Part of that was watching an autopsy. I’ve never seen a head and face get the scalp removed like that. I’d prefer not to see it again. I’ve never seen a hand-tool cut through a body like that before. I’ve never seen laser lobotomies. There was so much new shit in this movie that it felt like they’d just thrown the whole zombie mythos out the window and started over, writing whatever they felt like that would support some plot based around the special effect of glowing green crap. Is not sarcasm. Is not at all sarcasm. Not at all.
Review Notes
Review Notes
Ouch. I just burned myself pretty good. I picked up the carb cap the second I put the rig down. And then when it started burning me, I almost threw it in my coffee. I’m very, very glad I did not do that.
An institution
A couple cops…
Beat that door! Beat it, I say!
I’m really not sure that window needed to be broken
So, the guy had a syringe over the other guy, but the cops interfered, and then the old guy’s head turned purple, blood spurted out the eyes (Fulci would be proud!)
She got red on her.
HP Lovecraft, you say?
I have to learn all this stuff to get a personal trainer certificate.
I can feel the music. I’m so high. I think eating that stuff… worked.
He’s in Mass! I’m from Mass! That makes me a Masshole!
He really wants to save this lady.
Oh! The security guard got a sense of humor!
Are they dissecting Ringo Starr?
I bet they tried to get what’s his name from Evil Dead for this role.
Yuck! They were… plasma cutting his brain.
Herbert West.
“Frankly Doctor Hill, your work on brain death is outdated.” Awkward…
Mr. West is not making any friends…
That address is 666 something or other
Remember making love by our Talking Heads poster?
She won’t marry him until he gets his degree? Why not before?
She wants to house-break him?
Oh. Shit. That’s a good one. A great zombie-sitting-up!
I had a girlfriend who would do that zombie shit to me. We’d be driving down the rural new england highways- miles and miles with nothing but trees, no lights anywhere, and then she’d turn to me and zombie. Really fucking well. There were so many times I wanted to hit her to get her to stop. It was genuinely scary. I also still have never watched Michael Jackson’s Thriller video completely through, either.
He’s got a thing for basements. I dig it! I once had a big metal cage in the basement of my house- it was one of those things you don’t want the landlord or police to see, like, from a human trafficking movie.
West is creepy!
Cutting into a dude’s head.
Oh, fuck. I did not need to see how to pull the scalp off a corpse. I wonder if that’s true? Would it really come off like that?
Old dude really insistent that brain dies 6-12 minutes after death. I think.
West doesn’t agree.
West… snapped his pencil in objection. And then pulled out a new one.
That’s two pencils. I’d have to punch him at this point.
“Mr. West. I suggest you get yourself a pen!”
Fancy dinner. Wine. Cheers.
So much pressure where to study.
Sketchy ass toast. I wouldn’t drink to that.
See, are they studying or making out? I don’t understand the point.
Why is she so obsessed with West.
So, the cat’s missing. This can’t be good. I saw him putting on a red shirt when they were beaming down to the planet’s surface.
Rufus the cat. Tommy the Cat. “Do you wanna lay down with me?”
Oh shit! The cat’s all squished and in the fridge, and a big boom just went off down the road so now my Pit is all up in nervous.
The cat… knocked the trash over and then suffocated with his head in a jar??
“And what would a note say? Cat dead, details later?”
It’s all very tense.
Cat squaling…
The baseball bat and robe combination. Classic.
Tumble down the stairs…
Attack the cat on his back with a bat. Almost Seussian.
Two idiots trashing a basement. How quickly men can bond.
Whoah. He just threw the cat into the wall like a baseball. Crap. More Dr. Seuss.
West’s sense of humor is fucked. This guy is totally nuts.
A bunch of science talk, West is insistent on more green crap…
Yeah, didn’t need to see a zombie cat coming back to life.
Shit! What’s she doing here?
That dean is a jerk. “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.” I paraphrase.
I doubt he’s going to give you his daughters hand in marriage.
Sneaking West into the morgue?
I’m… hungry. This isn’t good.
They’re selecting a corpse. It’s like Spatula City for dead bodies.
Gonna shoot up this John Doe.
If you’re gonna revive someone for the very first time, maybe don’t choose someone with Arnold’s physique?
Oh, that’s going poorly! The dead guy is throwing them around and… vascular.
Gonna call him Mr. Purple. Butt ass nekkid.
Oh. The leaping door-crush. That’s a good one.
And the finger eating. Another good one.
Purple is throwing Daddy Dean at the wall repeatedly. There’s red everywhere.
Oh. I. Did not see that coming.
West… buried the brain saw thing in the guy’s chest. Like…
I’m not going to quote all of West’s “Help me with this body” speech, but it’s pretty good.
Smart! They’re tying this corpse down on the table with surgical tubing. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, there were some drug interactions and I began singing and trying to high-5 my doctor. They also had to tie my arms to the table with surgical tubing.
Shooting Daddy Dean up with the green…
One hell of a long, lonely hallway shot.
Hulk strangle!
West has red all over him.
I’m having the strangest sense of deja-vu…
Zombie in a straight jacket. It’s a good one.
“That’s why I need you to sign a release for me to conduct exploratory surgery on him.” If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…
When someone says “You must trust me.” there’s no way in hell I’m gonna trust them. Is that my Cluster B talking? How do other people feel about this scenario?
Oh! Shit! Startled!
Daddy Dean is headbutting the window!
Don’t slap people. It’s not… I SAID DON’T SLAP PEOPLE.
He looks like he’s laughing in this scene. Oops.
Is this what scientists bullying each other looks like?
West, kill that man and his evil toupee.
More scientists bullying each other.
Some breaking and entering…
You need to take this opportunity to kill him. Just slam his head into the microscope!
Or… Well, decapitating him with a shovel worked just as well. This way the brain is still intact. I get it.
That impalement is gross.
You mean… you weren’t already thinking it? I’m fucking crazier than you are? ‘cause that’s where *I* assumed you’d go with it. It’s where I would have gone.
Ok, maybe not shooting up the headless body, but definitely the head.
West just tried to interview daddy dean’s severed head, but the head called him a bastard and then the headless body came up and thwacked him.
She’s going in with Daddy Dean?
He found a folder of stalker shit, but… I don’t really know the significance.
Whoah. The zombie has been lobotomized with a laser drill. That’s not good.
West wakes up… Both body parts are missing. The lab has been ransacked. Headless corpse stole it.
West is truly not right.
And this corpse carrying it’s head around… Very Sleepy Hollow.
But a little bit slower.
And clumsier.
So much red. Bags of red.
We’re watching a decapitated corpse watch a lobotomized zombie through a one-way mirror. This is getting technical.
I’m not really sure what’s going on. “It’s vital for you to come out now.”
Security guard asleep at the switch.
Boudoir magazine. Really.
Uh… they’ve done the stacking thing like monkeys in a trench coat.
I’m not really caring about this relationship stuff.
Oh! Shit!
Dad just smashed through the door!
Why would he speak to the decapitated corpse? He has it’s ears on his head.
Daddy zombie just brought his daughter.
Strange weird things are happening that are too close to when I worked in the adult industry.
I’m not sure knocking the fake head off made anything better.
This is some of the most fucked up shit imaginable.
He’s getting red all over her.
Mr. West saves the day. Maybe?
“Who’s going to believe a talking head? Get a job at a side show.”
Looks like Dinero at the moment.
Oh!
Didn’t see that coming!
It’s zombie mayhem!
All these zombies have been laser lobotomized.
Daddy Dead has snapped out of it! He’s joined the good guys!
He got the head! He got the head!
He’s squishing it, all the other zombies are showing the same owie signs!
The head popped, all the other zombies are going crazy
A huge… intestine… tentacle just burst out of the decapitated corpse and is choking West?
Suddenly we’re in some crazy light show with fog machines
All the zombies raving
West dragged under the fog, all we see is a hand reaching up and out of it
One last zombie attack!
No, wait, one more last zombie attack!
The classic fire axe.
Oh! Shit! Had to pry the severed hand off her throat!
Hand’s fingers are still scrabbling around. I fucking HATE severed hands that still crawl around.
So… Lotta stuff happens… I think she dies?
If you shock like that, you’ll blow shit up.
Yeah, she’s dead.
He’s covered in red.
And he’s got the green stuff. Is he gonna re-animate her?
Yup.
Oh, that’s nice. That’s nice. I like that ending.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
You know when you’re running a lot of really hot water through your bong to clean it out, and then there’s big brown blobs of sticky crap that get all over everywhere?
Let’s refine the conversation slightly- I’m referring to an oil rig, and not an actual flower bong. I think that’s how the cool kids are saying it these days. But I was cleaning my oil rig and a huge blob of oil was blurping out and I impulsively caught it in my hand like a tadpole, and then I impulsively tossed it in my mouth and swallowed it.
Just like a tadpole. It was about the size of a gummy-bear torso. Maybe a little bit bigger. It didn’t taste good. The texture was not good. I have no idea what to expect. I know that the packaging says “Don’t eat” on the oils, but the packaging on Fireworks reads “Danger- Flammable”, so I consider manufacturer warnings more something there for the lessers on the Darwin scale of adaptability.
I once knew a guy who made a bong out of one of those huge plastic crayons, and since he didn’t have a screen, he used a Cadbury Egg wrapper- one of the tinfoil ones- to pull through. He got high in a way that really didn’t look fun, so eventually Poison Control was called and it turns out there’s so many toxins and heavy metal type crap in those foils.
Either that or he simultaneously contracted Lyme disease… I know the two things happened- he smoked the wrong wrapper and lost a permanent dozen IQ points, but he also got Lyme disease. They may have not been related, yet occurred concurrently? I don’t remember all that well. There wasn’t a warning on the Cadbury Egg wrapper “Do not heat wrapper and inhale resultant fumes”, so maybe it wasn’t his fault? Did I say that I ate that huge glob of oil? Yeah- I did.
I’m also pounding the last of the coffee in the house. I just checked my phone- yeah- that dirty fucking habit- and there’s a notice from a local music promoter that not only is K. Flay coming around, show’s already sold out! If that’s the fucking case, what good is your information to me? Ugh.
Everything was so much better when it wasn’t automated. Damn you, Henry Ford! Damn you Bill Gates! Underwear subscription services? It’s one step closer to 1984, it’s one step closer to pure machine-led human-cattle. If it was done right, underwear subscription could be the proving point of communism! On Monday everyone gets 7 pairs underwear, on Sunday you turn in 7 pairs underwear. I’m not focusing on the math, so if this example leads to a day of nudity, I’m ok with that if you are, and if you’re not, what the fuck is so good about pants besides the pockets?
That’s where Kayne needs to get nailed to his cross. He went to fashion. He listened to his father and joined the dark side. High School Dropout has songs ridiculing people who follow fashion. Now he’s more into that than his music? Well, he’s more into whatever Pete Davidson is doing than anything, but 2nd to that, he’s designing shoes that resemble soft-serve ice-cream slippers.
I expect everything to go wrong. I believe in an existence of our reality where anything is possible, meaning- there’s nothing that’s completely off the table. We can’t see or extrapolate anything close to even understanding the table, let alone what we think is where. We’re worms tunnelling blindly though the loam, with no thoughts to aerodynamics or bird bone density to strength ratios.
But that doesn’t mean that all the stuff we can’t fathom doesn’t exist- it *has* to exist, because otherwise, statements would be able to be made of the limits. Like “It’s impossible to throw a piece of cheese while standing on the moon.” Reality isn’t this simple.
Just because we can’t sense it doesn’t mean it’s not there. What else are we missing? The goddess queen of radiation died of it. Why else are we dying of? These are clues. Fuck. I’m stoned. I smoked a bit too, since I’d just cleaned the rig. And I’ve been trying to smoke less, just for the sake of the lungs. He says as he reaches to fire it up again.
It’s bewildering when friends change. One friend of mine found religion. The other found veganism. They should hang out. They’d be better friends than I am with either of them right now.
I just finished my coffee. I have the regret. I have no idea what I’m watching tonight. I also don’t know when I’m going to quit this run. I think this is four in a row? It’s as if I’ve got the momentum behind me and I’m going to be churning until I’ve reviewed *every* zombie movie. I feel that amped up and motivated.
I have been talking about doing this guide since I was an early teen. 13, 14. I waited three decades. That’s not completely true. I did make a couple attempts, but with different processes and formats, and things fell off quickly.
We have found our movie. Thankfully, there’s no end to the top-number of best zombie movie lists out there, and then there’s also a wiki-page claiming to list every zombie movie made. I didn’t dig too far into the wiki page, but after bouncing around between a bunch of the lists, I settled on something that I’ve been eyeing from afar for a while now.
Think of it like someone from the rival social group is really interesting and attractive, but you’re biding your time, waiting for the moment to be right so things don’t seem weird. Things… got weird with this one, I think- the first time I tried to watch it, like, 25+ years ago. I have vague memory of watching this movie and I remember a huge needle and bright green glowing liquid and a pair of women’s breasts.
If you’re a fan of South Park, I also answered “What handkerchief?” when I was a kid. I feel traumatized a bit too, as if I got yelled at by a babysitter or something. It’s strange. I’ve always known it was a cult classic of the Repo Man era, as such, I’ve always been curious to see what it’s all about, but I’ve always had this sort of hesitancy to watch it, too- as if I’m afraid that it’s somehow going to leave me lacking. I don’t know. It’s weird to write a page about my emotional relationship with a film that I may or may not have seen. I’m high.
Re-Animator: “A dedicated student at a medical college and his girlfriend become involved in bizarre experiments centering around re-animation of dead tissue.”
Let me say that the first awesome part of this review is the movie only costing 99 cents to rent. So that’s cool. Makes me feel like the universe approves. So… he’s a dedicated student. They become… involved… I think I know the basics- I think it’s, well… pretty much like Frankenhooker. Man, I want to wash my hands off. I can’t forgive myself for watching that.
But I think the plot of this is a lot like that, but maybe he works with the one body instead of playing mix and match Lego sets? There’s a picture of a really intense, good looking sweaty doctor guy in some sort of medical scrub. Or he looks psychotic. I don’t do well with these emotional recognition things.
If I had a time machine and went into the future and got some of the cold brew that’s currently percolating in the fridge and then brought it back to now and drank it, would there be any difference or dissonance or corporeal time-shift requiring a pincer attack caused by my actions? Or would I just have to pee earlier? I guess the post-trip world would be slightly heavier, due to the mass of the coffee being retrieved? This would only be temporary though. I’m willing to risk it. Be right back.