The Sadness
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
So, first thing… Do I recommend this? Hell yes, with a big motherfucking glowing asterisk.* And that * comes down to “Do you want to watch some of the goriest, most depraved reddest of red so red that this is the reddest thing to come down the pike since The Shining opened up it’s elevator doors?” There is nothing really to this except the experience in utter extremism… depending on your lens, this movie can be a lot of things. A rape and sexual assault trigger? Sure. It can do that really well, since the premise is that this Alvin virus links your sexual drive to your aggression and then, sorta, feeds you lines of powdered rhinoceros horn, cocaine, and pure unadulterated Rage. How good can a movie be that you make purely to push existing boundaries? I don’t know. Ask Andrew Dice Clay. But this… this is a good movie that could be better. This is a movie that gave 110% in a very limited vector, accomplished that, and then afterwards, when all was said and done, someone said “You know what else we could have done?” and a bunch of better ideas came vomiting out. Part of what I dislike about this is the zombie-ism is so hard to define and so inconsistent in it’s presentation. Yes, the overall is a rage-filled psychosis, but there are so many permutations of it shown that it kinda feels like we’re just moving from overwhelmingly abrasively redly loud and screechy and ultra-violent to the next with the basic premise that some people are demons and they are being bad to the remaining humans. This is in no way a bad movie, unless you’re looking for intellectualism. But is this enough to be a good movie? Fuck if I know. Will you enjoy it? Fuck if I know and probably not and if you do you should probably keep that shit to yourself until you’re able to get into counselling.
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- Lovely couple wakes up to some lovely Thai Basil and a disheveled corpse out on the roof below.
- People start killing each other. There’s lots of red.
- Some old creep won’t leave her alone on the train. And then a guy pulls a knife. Lots of red.
- So much raping and killing and screaming and… it just keeps going, escalating with each next scenario
- Just when we’re all like “AHHH This is too intense!” two characters sit down and talk for 20 minutes
- Then the movie ends, leaving you feeling kinda dirty and guilty… ugly, even.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
Look. The movie is super serious, guys, except… they named their virus “Alvin”. So… When Alvin infects you, your eyes turn all black and kinda buggy and your face looks like you’ve been maced and it’s all puffy and red and you’re full of rage and thinking and planning and plotting and remembering… In this movie, the zombies are infected people, and although they do things like eat someone’s fingers off the floor, and walk around eating an entire brain like a massive Jell-O-shot, and snack on the occasional Achilles tendon, they also have blood-soaked orgies and find an even worst place to stick a penis than an armpit. They’re too smart and human for me, I would have liked a little more… zombie in them. I like zombies who do NOT go on the town’s PA system to announce I need to report to have my dick cut off and fed to stray dogs. That… that just ain’t zombie, man.
Where the money went
Where the money went
Fucking hell of red! The money went into special effects and gore and screaming lessons. Hella basic plot, I kinda stopped paying attention after a while because it was so simplistic and repetitive, but that said, when your entire purpose of existence is to make the goriest zombie movie ever, it’s not hard to hit your mark assuming you’re willing to take shortcuts elsewhere. They’re not despicably in your face, but… the timing of this movie is off. It’s like it peaks 20 minutes before it ends.
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
Shit. I really liked the toaster being swung by it’s cord like a medieval mace or flail. I didn’t like the umbrella to the eye. All the stabbings were… stabbings. Whole lot of people dismembering other people, too. But nothing is really standing out to me as the ultimate weapon. Yes, a fire axe was used, and yes, a fire extinguisher was used. Maybe that’s the standout for this movie. That *was* the best fire-extinguisher killing I’ve ever seen, so I guess now that I’m tracking a trend I can say who has done it best. As of today, This Movie. Oh. Yeah. Kinda forgot the basket-ball pole wrapped with barbed wire. But that… that got weird.
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
No. But you can get two fingers. All of the toes from a single foot. An eyeball. Uh… There was nothing left over after they ripped the program in half and then burnt it while copulating furiously. This is like walking up to a taco stand and before you can order, they start flinging raw bits of rancid asada at you and then try to get your pants off. This is a fucked up movie for fucked up people, and I don’t really even think it is an actual zombie movie. Maybe this is the zombie movie of the future.
That was new!
That was new!
Making your zombies mad raping machines is pretty fucking new, if you pardon my French and give me credit for that pun. Was this a good thing? What the fuck? NO! I love porn! I used to work in the industry! There is a time and a place for sex, even including kinky power dynamics if you want… but fuck, people, haven’t I said time and time again that I don’t really want to watch any of the “Zombie Strippers” movies because I think they’re panderingly pathetic? They’re a herd hooting call for all the basement dwelling virgins out there! Just like I don’t want to see zombie strippers, I don’t want to see sexually active zombies! Gah! That was just… just fucked!
Review Notes
Review Notes
Ok. That’s interesting. An extreme violence and gore warning. Can this be any worse than the unrated, uncut version of Man Bites Dog? A movie that is either awesome or unfathomably repulsive, depending on the version you watch?
We got covid-looking spores type shit, but consider the orange of the tricombe! That is gonna be some skunktified Indica!
Oh, that can’t be good. Those things even look gross.
Morning, fish! Morning, Buddha!
“I’m your real alarm clock.”
Dude fucked up. Don’t blame the bloody Germans!
A tan? That tan will last a full year, if not longer.
Dude, that was dumb.
It was dumb to date a woman named Kat. They’re crappy people.
“The Alvin Virus”?
Dormant protein chains. A reference to rabies.
Lotta Covid=Alvin being shoved in out faces.
God, that’s a beautiful city.
Old lady standing on the roof has red on her. A lot of red.
Jim, Mr. Lin.
Mr. Lin has a cold.
A-ha! We have idiots with conspiracy theories! Mr. Lin, for one.
Thai Basil? Is that a thing?
His phone was at 3%. Or is this just to show us he doesn’t have his phone going forward?
They should both have glasses and gloves. Bare minimum.
Lotta red on that stretcher. Lotta police. Lotta red.
Oh shit. Police car got all it’s doors open now. And no one around.
Soy and eggs?
Lotta close-ups on food and boiling oil.
Apartments…
Pandemic affecting… OH SHIT. THAT’S THE LADY. WITH RED ON HER.
Ok. Paused it to catch up. A car crashed. Good binary point. Uh… Gotta catch up.
So… The dead lady spit crap all over one guy’s face, then dumped all the boiling oil on another guy’s face, and then ripped the cooking flesh off his head.
Then she hit on our hero and slowly pursues him until a car runs her over… with a crazy guy driving… and then the guy who got spit on is on the car with a bloody chopstick, and a woman faceplants off the roof and her head does a melon on the pavement…
This is full bore double-barreled crazy type shit.
Yes. Run. Run fast.
The infected have very swollen eyes that are completely blacked out.
And huge smiles. They’re enjoying this.
Locked in what, exactly, are you?
And safe, how much, are, exactly, you?
I have been sober for a decade and I agree, I might chug a beer in that scenario.
Civil Emergency
Some fucked up wolf thing winking at me…
A message? New rules? Men must report…
“I’ll cut all your dicks off and feed them to stray dogs.” No. I would not be going.
Dude! Behind you!
The neighbor! Mr. Lin! With huge clippers!
He just cut dude’s fingers off! And chewed it up and then spit it in the fish tank.
Oh. A bad finger joke. This guy is fucking frightening.
A toaster to the head. That’s new. Like a medieval flail.
Shit! Lin is getting back up!
Dude, you can’t ride with one hand. You really fucked that one up.
Everyone is gibbering line they’re insane.
Oh. Yuck. A gratuitous arm-breaking scene. So there is some Saw BS in here.
These zombies are fucking scary. The smile, the herd mentality, the pistol?? WHAT THE FUCK!
A cop! Shooting!
Kat on the sub. Lecherous old man creeping on her in his gold tie.
Yup. Let’s bash cell phones. And annoy the girl. What an ass.
Dude, stop talking to her! You’re a fucking creep! Tell her??
Dude, shut the fuck up. You’re gross!
I like her willingness to stand up for herself. Should just punch him in the nuts.
A conversation is not continually forced from one side. You’re a creep!
Seems like he’s about to have a breakdown…
He’s got a lot of grievances! Almost sounds like a fat white man!
Good move!
Oh, shit… that guy is infected! So is he! She probably is!
Knife… stabbing.
More stabbing.
Whole lotta stabbing.
Holy Shit, she has the same Anchor reflex my wife has!
That’s… a lot of red. A bit much.
Zombie is completely covered in red.
“Did I break the record?” That can’t mean anything good.
And the people who got red on them…
Everyone with their cell phones…
Oh, he’s got the key-fist of death. Absolute bullshit, but looks great here!
And then, the umbrella of death!
Finally, the zombies are really getting the biting on!
So… that escalated quickly. For a much longer time than you’d think… I mean… I think I saw a guy raping another guy. And that was one of the less unsettling things I just saw. Shit. I got so much stuff to talk to T____ about.
Everyone out the door got red on them. So much red on them.
Ahh, a lost cell phone.
A semi-naked woman with red on her.
The gold tie guy has red all over him. His ubrealla has an eyeball on it.
There’s nothing alright! She’s missing an eye and very overweight! She’s doomed!
And here comes gold tie!
Hey, no need to call names. Or judge lifestyles.
“What the fuck? Are you blind? You ARE blind! What the fuck!”
Streetfighter just got his nose bitten off by a street-brawler.
Oh, shit. Here comes the fire axe.
Creepy wink!
“I’ve never had a threesome before!” I kinda recommend it. Kinda don’t. People are weird.
Made it outside…
Holy shit! She can punch! Even with one eye, she can punch! I mean, it’s not like she’s missing a fist…
Of course they..
That stroller…
The pile of bodies…
Half of these red piles are almost unidentifiable as people.
Fucking cat is glitching again. Remember “Some of you have never been chased by a naked mental patient trying to kill you and it shows?” Well, this guy has a shirt on. And that’s it.
Duct tape corpses…
Oh. That tunnel is blocked. Very blocked.
Up the mountain road!
Why are we stopping? I mean, yeah, your hand hurts, but… You’re missing half of two fingers. So… duct tape flipper-mitten time!
He just happens upon a scythe. And then there’s sounds someone might need killing.
Oh, shit… those are bad kids.
Nutcracker. That is not good.
Oh, I love the front stomp.
But that kid…
Jesus. That guy is in bad shape.
“Why’d you stop them? I was…” what the fuck?
Uh… back at the hospital.
The Covid forehead scan…
The ER was overrun.
Little girl got burned.
She’s sick, damn it! How can you not be afraid of her!
She’s locking up the wheelchair… Arg!
Oh, that’s going to come around again…
“You’re being such a drama queen.” Dude! She just got her eye removed with an umbrella! That probably went into her brain a bit!
HA!! Anime boobs! Great background screen.
Republic of China?
“Cinematic Theories”
I highly dislike politicians.
4.5 million infected. That’s bad.
This guy is infected too!
Uh… they just Scanners’d the president… I mean… stuffed a grenade in his mouth and then blew up and off his head. Uh…
Great! Now everyone is shoving!
Nice elbow!
Should have expected something in return…
Oh, shit. Gold tie is outside.
She’s kind of a bad person. Stole his phone and all.
I like tubby’s hiding spot.
Better than one-eye’s.
Oh, I think… bad things are happening now. Very strange, bad things. Things that really didn’t need to be done.
Finally having our phone call…
And some hallucinations…
“Mr. Simpson, have you ever known an alarm to be a good thing?”
That’s some damn good “City burning”.
That is the reddest 4-some I have ever seen.
Oh… One eye is eating an entire brain. See? She’s a bigger girl for a reason.
Gets grabbed by the orgy group… chopped up… quite graphic.
Man, that guy is determined.
And… not planning on sharing.
Shit! Another extinguisher! And this one… the best ever. The best ever.
She’s got red on her. And that’s… an ex-person.
Suddenly allowed to hide in a new place… Don’t speak.
The hallway outside is still a bad place.
Oh. Vandals.
Cuff yourself in the shower? I mean, I understand, but… Who the hell has a plan for this? Just happened to bring a gun and handcuffs to work?
Why can’t she bathe in water? Why must it be chemicals right off the bat?
Who would want to steal a baby? Is that a rhetorical question?
Man, clean that shit off your face!
Masks all over the ground. If that’s not indicative…
Should have cut the clothes off and left her chained.
A home-printed firearm?
Cat is doing the two step again. HE hates politicians, too!
The virus combines the human sex drive with the aggression drive?
Dude likes to hear himself talk.
Ok. Got it. The people are driven mad. Got it. Can’t control it. Got it. Might be in there watching it al go down. Got it. Mad and crazy people. Got it.
WHAT…. AN INFECTED BABY?? In the trash? What the fuck?
Now the doctor looks sick, too…
Oh… he… squished the baby.
And then infected her with the Alvin Virus. Pretty soon her voice will go up by 4 octaves.
The doctor has been infecting babies with the best of intentions.
Everyone got secret messages going on…
Dude! You missing your foot!
Nice shot!
It… puked into his foot wound. That can’t be good.
The boyfriend just showed up, and he’s sick. Very sick.
Home-made gun blew up on him! They’ll do that!
“I killed those babies and it felt so good. So good.”
That’s a well made gate. I would like such a gate.
Suddenly there’s a lot of sitting and talking.
Oh. Well. He… doesn’t do well talking to women.
She runs up the stairs, into the light… and we hear what’s most likely her getting shot.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
What’s today? I feel like it is a special day of some sort. And not like “National hug a penguin day” or “National comfy hoodie” day… I feel like today is of import. Considering that we still have a little under, uh… 5 hours to go, maybe something big is still in the works. Won’t know until we hit the 9th inning.
Maybe somewhere south of here, tectonic plates are beginning to soften and buckle from the heat and stress. Here’s something to think about when considering career or employment. There’s an oft-repeated saying in the care-giver culture “Some of you have never been chased by a naked mental patient trying to kill you and it shows.” Uh… I forgot where I was going with that.
Something about making good decisions on career day, or at least not taking LSD the morning of your SATs. Trust me, it’s not a good thing when you put someone else’s school district info into their system. Totally fucks things sideways. Ask me how I know.
It’s like the time I was too high at the DMV and got dyslexic with a couple digits of my social security number and accidently put my new Camaro in someone else’s name. Legally, there were about 2 weeks where this dude could have come to my house and taken the car from me with police in support. Then, when I went to change things back to title the car to myself, instead of some random guy, I had to officially change his legal address, and since I didn’t know what it was supposed to be, I’m fairly certain my guesses were wildly inaccurate.
The lead singer of Motley Crue killed a guy in a car crash. So did one of the Kennedys. I once read that roughly 8 times a day you are in close personal proximity with someone who has taken a life. I can’t imaging reading this, knowing that I was that person being counted in the “killer” column. I suppose if no-one knew what I’d done, I’d eventually chill and get comfortable with it, but there would definitely be a shit-ton of sleepless nights.
Met with Doctor T____ today. 2nd visit. I still like him. We diverged for a couple minutes to discuss growing mushrooms- evidently, we’re both starting up the same hobby at the same time. I told my wife this and her first response is that I cannot become friends with my therapist. I disagree.
I love Jonathan Maberry’s Joe Ledger series, and he’s best friends with Rudy, so I think this can still work. There was something ironic knowing that an insurance company was being billed a minute sliver of a shit-ton of money for me to give my therapist tips and tricks regarding pressure cooker usage for sterilizing growing media.
It’s like, as an adult, finding someone else who still thinks Legos are as cool as you do. Kinda what it feels like. Having dinner with an old friend tomorrow night; lets the wives meet each other. I hope this guy will help me bring The Guide forward into production, but I know logically that waiting on him to help me is not the reason that I haven’t pushed The Guide out yet. Fuck, I’m weak.
I’m looking forward to the dinner, since I’m bringing up the last gram of the NY mushrooms from Brother-in-Law T_____. B_____ has never tried them and I’m excited to be able to help. Same as with my other buddy, wandering around the desert “feeling really long”.
T_____ says I need to start forgiving people for shit 30 years old, points out a good thought that some of these fucks that I’m still carrying around hostility and hurt towards could already be dead, so I’m the only one keeping the memory of those events alive. If I put them down and walk away, they cease to exist. He asked what the chances are that I’d ever see any of these people again, and I acknowledged that most of them were from Elementary school, but I didn’t explain the exception that I still fear running into someday.
I know she’ll be so fucking friendly to the point of condescension, and whatever I say I’m doing currently will be “awfully great for me”. Aside from grabbing her throat and trying to make a fist, I’m going to have to use words.
Jesus, I just took a little while on YouTube to watch a video on how to build a laminar flow hood, which is just a big fan with a really expensive air filter in front of it. The blower? About $380. The filter? $350. That’s not even counting the wood and wiring and crap. Yes, it will be worth building and having once there is proper space allocated to this mycology crap, but at the moment, I kinda think I’d prefer to have an organ in the house.
Because I love any music that has organ in it, and it’s about the same size as a flow hood, and there’s plenty of people inheriting their ex-parental unit’s dwellings and abodes and there is an absolute GLUT of free organs on the market these days.
I want to grow mushrooms that have cayenne in them. That may be the same thing as saying “I want to invent a cow-spotted unicorn that eats crystal meth, teleports, and can teach me calculus without causing me to cry in frustration.” and that’s the same thing as wishing I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl with a phone, I would call her… What?
What? What kind of writing is that? Ever since WILL SMITH! WILL SMITH! invented Summertime, I’ve been kicking back and unwinding as I’ve watched the fucking decay of rap music. Why is rap now a bunch of skinny 12 year old’s with horrendous facial tattoos whining through autotune about how they want to grow up to be gazillionaires and when they do, they’re still going to keep it real and about bitches and hoes?
How the fuck did Chuck D fall so asleep at the switch? Snoop is doing the Trump dance in Corona commercials? Marijuana is finally legal and he’s slinging booze now? “I hate a fucking hypocrite, motherfuckers I despise. ‘Cause me? I tell the truth, even when I tell a lie.”
There’s that and “I put a brick in your face, now what you gonna do??” that I can scream repeatedly out the car window and it never gets old. I was supposed to go Kayaking today, but I guess we’re going on Sunday. I had the realization yesterday that the news *is* fake.
Not that I disbelieve anything particularly and believe something else in it’s place strongly, but rather, there’s too much going on in a fluid and unregulated manner that some days there will be so much news only the most bloody of moments gets any screen mention at all, and then there’s such stupendously boring days that next month’s upcoming dog show gets mentioned three times.
These are both fake, in that they are simply things. No one entity has capacity to determine which things are of most import, so whatever they catch in their nets gets tossed across the news and treated with reverence as if it were blazing gold hot 10, even when it’s actually pottery-fair 2 or terrorist bombing 12. It gets presented as a 10.
Imagine one newscaster turning to another on a slow night when the most exciting thing discussed is a cat with a different even number of toes on each of it’s feet and saying “Who really gives a shit about that. We should have just gone drinking instead of wasting everyone’s time. There really was no news today.” Is it possible that could even transpire?
No! The news is occurring, it’s just the fucking game of telephone has so many bottle-necks and blockers… What is polite to discuss, what is translatable from another language, what is relatable from another culture… Maybe 200 dogs being rescued from a dog meat festival in eastern Shanghai is actually the most important thing… how the fuck do we know? Iran could have secretly tested something important to their nuclear ambitions.
It’s not considered good presidential policy to inform Americans that the enemy is three steps closer to annihilating a couple random cities in the near future, so we don’t mention it? It’s bad manners to point out that group A has been oppressing group B for decades, but since we’re dependent on group A trading us Lithium Battery raw materials for rifle-fired tear gas grenades to use on their own pro-freedom demonstrators…
I got shot damn near in the balls with a less than lethal in 2016 when we all were experiencing culture shift and some of us were being more vocal than others. I’ve been in the tear gas, I’ve had my lungs punched by the flash-bangs… In Lithuania, do you think that riot made the news? How about in New Jersey?
Everything is relative and contextual and weighed differently due to distances of any dimension as well as present prejudices and assumptions. Nothing is considered a standard of news. How many murders happen each day that you don’t hear about? They’re like trees, falling in our society, occasionally body-checking some unfortunate soul on the way down with the finality of gravity.
A fainting man once assaulted me, and I almost assaulted a fainting man. The Jim Rose Side Show was to blame. I think a needle through the cheek? Dude next to me suddenly SHOVED me- HARD. I took a half-step to steady myself, and turning, I was balled up and about to throw my left, when the poor fellow continued down past my right side like a wet noodle until he snoozed the grass.
I stood there for a second, fists up, thinking there was a fight or a pit or something, and then people were trying to pull the guy to his feet but he was cold out.
How do you forgive a childhood tormenter? At what point do you stop forgiving? Or is the point to forgive all, so that you carry nothing negative? I asked T____ about feeling as if were I to put down my anger and hate of certain individuals, I’d be once again at their mercy to victimize. Are they dead? I want to piss on their graves.
But then I think of the Logistics of trying to find where C_____ killed himself, of petitioning the court, of sobbing into a telephone to a non-emergency dispatcher who empathized yet remained intractable. The letter of “We don’t HAVE to give it to you, so go fuck yourself.”
Would I be crazy to go down there and start handing out $20’s to people who knew who and what the fuck I was talking about? If two completely different strangers both point to the same parking spot, I’ll know they’re right. I want to know everything.
Did he park backed in, so he could see the cops coming at him, or did he park forward, able to see out over a field or pond or to distant trees or mountains? I believe this is the 2nd time this makes The Guide, but I’d rather be redundant than uncommunicative.
There’s a girl in Lubbock, Texas, that I’ll die if I see
I’ve never even heard her voice, she don’t know about me
But she killed a man I loved, a brother of mine, you see
So I’ll gun her down, turn myself in, and smile through the penalty
Fuck, man. I had no idea I would miss you this much. I wish you could be here to watch a movie with me. Which one? Good fucking question. The Sadness “A young couple tries to reunite amid a city ravaged by a plague that turns it’s victims into deranged, bloodthirsty sadists.” Well. Now.
Well. Ahem. I really hope this isn’t any Saw level bullshit. I did check, it is considered a zombie movie, but something about it feels sort of like… like a really violent version of The Flu or something, where we’re going to have an entire zombie movie sans zombies. But… last night’s movie kicked some serious ass. I’ve got… heh… high hopes for tonight’s, as well. I mean, maybe I hope I can figure out what language it’s in at least?