Shock Waves
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
That said, I can’t really recommend this movie unless you have a thing for Nazi zombies (they really weren’t even that impressive) or if you have a nautical inclination. The main theme of this movie is that people are going to bicker incessantly no matter what the crisis. And when they’re not bickering, they’re going to all run in different directions under different assumptions and all end up walking through waist high-water. They could have removed the Nazi zombies and replaced them with piranhas and it probably would have been a better movie. This suffered from the same malaise that afflicts any movie that requires three layers of narration to set the tone and builds all it’s dialogue and character motivation from getting on each other’s nerves. There’s a drunken, hostile captain, an earnest guy with a cool mustache, and a pretty girl who can’t seem to stay out of her yellow bikini for more than 20 minutes. When they finally find someone who might be able to help them, he turns out to be an elderly Nazi who prefers his isolation. I think you can see where I’m going with this- it just wanders around for a while as characters get drowned by Nazi zombies and then… it ends. There’s no brains, there’s no fighting back, there’s no… real anything. Except for one of the coolest scenes of Zombie breach ever filmed. It *was* super cool to see all the zombies walking underwater and up out of the surf, but with them refusing to ever run after anyone or bite them, we’re really limited in how much this can be celebrated as a zombie movie. I’m gonna say that they are zombies, but… PG zombies? I have no idea how that movie got an R back in 1976. No gore, no nudity, no real vulgarity… I mean, you can see why I was so Meh the whole time, huh? This was on track to be a great movie and then something derailed it at close to the last minute. What was it?
(I need to do is point out that every time I mentioned John Carradine, I was actually talking about Peter Cushing. I love Peter Cushing from that old movie he made with Troy McClure where they drill down into the planet and find a prehistoric world. Shit, that could be the name of it. I just watch the Rifftrax or MST3K of it. So… yeah. I totally botched that. My bad.)
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- Bickering and superfluous dialogue about broken boats
- It’s another round of 3am bumper-boats!
- At least there’s an island right over there!
- At least there’s an abandoned hotel right over there!
- Pickled Nazi zombies can’t surf. But it’s cool to watch them come back out.
- Of course mustache has to die.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
Nazi zombies. Definitely Nazi zombies. And goggle-wearing. Because if their goggles come off, they can’t really see and then they die. But that’s ok, because most of the time- in fact- from 1945 or so until now, they’ve been content to be Nazi zombies on a sunken boat. We never really know why they decide to get up and come after our little group. These zombies seems to be able to appear out of any body of water, and they spend long leisurely spans lying in the gaps in reef formations, just mere inches underwater. Umm… They never ever hurry. I *think* they only drown people, too? No biting at all. No passing on of infections. I mean, if you want to be one, you need a custom fitted SS uniform, as well as their limited-edition goggles. One cool little nugget of this is that these zombies were created in order to serve on submarines that would be able to stay underwater indefinitely. I can’t imagine much more frightening than a submarine full of zombies. But these zombies? They weren’t that frightening. Can they be really menacing without being frightening? It’s kinda like that. They showed intent and determination in killing you, but not a whole lot of passion.
Where the money went
Where the money went
The money went into Nazi uniforms and stunts. By stunts, I don’t mean people being thrown around and stuff- I mean whatever they had to do to film two dozen men slowly rising up out of the surf must have cost something. I want to know- were there air lines ran out to each position, or were there air breathers in the masks themselves? Did they just have everyone hold their breath and lie back and then stand up and they kept doing it and doing it and doing it well until they had enough footage to cut the whole scene together? That was so cool and I demand to know more!
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
Our friend the door. When Perm is trying to take the flashlight from Mustache, and they’re fighting in the doorway of the walk-in freezer, Mustache uses the door to smash Perms arm repeatedly. This is just good tactics, like if you’re ever outside a vehicle and someone is getting out to do bad things, body-check the door back closed when it’ll catch a hand or head when it shuts. Same thing with opening your door hard into a person to knock them back to buy space. Doors are important things to keep in mind, and they can be very dangerous weapons. I mean, within limited context and door-related scenarios.
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
Some great tradition here. We got zombie hands smashing through boarded-up stuff to grab at people (yeah, that scared the bejeezus outta me.) Zombies stalking menacingly though the jungle, but the absolute best moment of this movie is the zombies breaching out of the surf. It just goes on and on, and… God, that was well done. I really commend this movie for over-reaching and achieving in that scene. It would have been so easy to go the lesser route, but… Classic gold. Well done. Bravo.
That was new!
That was new!
The whole “Using a glass bottom boat to show dead cast members underwater” was new and nifty. A lot of the underwater filming of zombies was original-ish too. I know I’ve seen some other underwater Nazi zombies, but there was a unique style around this one. Killing people with sea urchins was new. Not really necessary, but new. The best scene of the movie is the zombie breach in the surf, and I’ve never seen anything shot like that before.
Review Notes
Review Notes
Nice voice-over starting us off with the plot.
It’s about… zombies… Nazi Zombies. Got it.
That’s worth a seizure!
We start underwater.
Or rather, a boat.
Something… just happened to me and I spaced out. I think I got a text and then went to FB Market and started looking up Vans and stuff. Ok. Gotta focus.
There’s a boat, and it looks like someone wearing flannel is lying down in it.
A 2nd Narration! This is the woman in flannel… She’s kinda nuts…
Now she’s swimming.
Pretty dingy boat.
Accurate Navigation!
I think the Captain is jealous of the mustache.
Oh! A sunken… boat?
Now we’re filming everything in a yellow tint. Yellow?!
Back to the shipwreck. Kinda spooky sounds.
Some guy named Norman. That’s… one of my names.
And a guy I’m naming Perm.
“The sea spits up what it can’t keep down.”
A lot of arguing. I… don’t care about whether they get their money’s worth or whether they like it. Or not.
Now footage of people sleeping.
Always good to startle the wheelman.
A lot of talking about navigation stuff.
Some sort of underwater… something… oh!!
The ship from under the water is now above the water and hit our people’s ship!
About 17:52- when she spins around as she falls. I love it.
Well, they really got beaten up there. Not very convincingly, but…
“And here’s one thing those bastards won’t get!” (picks up communication radio and throws it overboard)
Now there’s a wrecked ship sticking out of the sea.
Mustache’s mind is playing tricks on him.
Now… The Captain is missing?
Oh shit! They’re in a glass-bottomed boat and they just found the Captain!
Some sort of abandoned temple-palace in the jungle type thing…
Liberal strewing of palm fronds.
They kinda sorta break-in… I would never leave that place.
This movie is designed to make you afraid of shipwrecks. Like, they use psychological warfare techniques.
Oh! I think we see a zombie! We see… Black boots. Grey pants. Walking. Underwater.
Yup! It’s a goggle-zombie!
It’s hard to walk underwater, goggle-zombie or not.
Zombie our of the water now.
Careful consideration of a dusty old refrigerator…
Careful consideration of a dirty old aquarium…
Which still has live fish and stuff in it…
Classical music… we’re not sure if the characters hear it.
Oh! Yes they do! There’s a dusty old record player. A phonograph, I believe.
And it winds down as they watch it.
Oh! Shit! They’re not alone!
Some voice is asking why they are there.
“I am near, but also far.” I am helpful, but also a complete ass.
They’re meeting some hermit dude.
A short discussion of the wreck and the hermit takes off. Abandoned!
The hermit is running to check the wreck… he’s got one hell of a scar!
John Carradine, you’re awesome.
Oh! A zombie is… walking back out into the water.
John Carradine staggering through the muck…
“I haven’t been to bed this early since I was 5 years old! How can he just fall asleep like that?!”
“He played *very* hard today.”
YES!! The zombies breaching out of the surf!! It’s so good!! Some of the best zombie breach there is!
The cook is going back for cans. Food.
Strolling down a muddy stream…
He’s being watched by a zombie…
Oh shit. A face full of sea urchin!
Getting stalked by a zombie through water.
John Carradine just did a strange little… foot-click thingy?
Oh, she’s going swimming again… there’s zombies in that water…
Ah! Crap! She just found the cook!!
The cook was holding a SS patch in his dead hand.
Zombies out in the rain…
John Carradine lives with a huge Nazi flag and a wall of mirrors.
John Carradine is giving the third narration of the movie. Explaining the Nazi Zombies- The Death Core- that were supposed to be used in submarines.
John Carradine has finished his explanation, cocked a Lugar, and told them to leave. All without smiling.
Everyone is running around in the muck…
Pulling some rope…
Oh, that’s Carradine’s boat! Well, I mean, they both are.
John Carradine yelling German at the Nazi zombies. And they’re all like “I can’t hear you, don’t tell me what to do.” and ignoring him.
Bickering about luggage…
Now it seems Carradine is getting stalked by one of his own zombies.
Uck! Zombie-Water! NAZI-Zombie-Water! That’s the *worst* kind.
Ship of fools…
Lotta footage of zombies walking underwater.
Lotta footage of our people paddling.
And then it’s back to zombies underwater-
No! Padding! Zombies! Paddling! Zombies! Under water! People Paddling! A boat!
So, there definitely is something scary about the zombies just strolling through the jungle.
Emily!!
Oh shit. Everyone clusters the fornication at the wrong time.
Perm wants to shoot it out. No-one stays in the boat. Bad, people… bad…
Mustache is swimming for the boat…
Still swimming…
Still swimming…
Beverly? I thought her name was Emily…
Bickering about a destination…
Perm is a natural monkey. Can’t keep that guy outta trees.
This set is swamp and mud.
Norman is running away! Every Norman for himself!
Nice. That’s how a Nazi Zombie REALLY kills.
Jesus, they’re all over the place! Like gophers!
Oh! Shit! The hand smashing through the fence! That got me. That got me good.
Zombies in the *swimming pool*??
Oh! If you knock their goggles off they can’t see!!
And… it kills them. Not sure why.
So the Nazi zombie drowned Norman and then hauled him back out of the water and up onto the roots?
That’s one ugly zombie.
They’re in the fridge… and bickering again.
Looks like Perm is a bit claustrophobic.
The zombies hate mirrors!
Perm is losing his shit.
Perm has lost his shit and has a flare gun.
Oh! These people are useless!
Perm got a broken arm! A door is a good weapon.
Oh Perm… Why would you jump in the pool?
Oh Perm… Why would you jump in the pool a 2nd time?
Well, Perm, you really didn’t have a choice about entering the pool that third time, did you?
No. Boilers are bad hiding spots. Very bad hiding spots.
And I think… Beverly? Is blind now. Locked herself in the fridge again? Maybe?
Calm morning.
Calm zombies.
Beverly just stabbed the door. Not too bright.
Out of the boiler for the moment…
She’s in the fish tank. The actor can’t stop smiling.
Dead bodies everywhere.
One last “Running from the Nazi Zombies to bad synthesizer sounds.” scene.
Glass bottom boat, you make the floating world go ‘round…
Oh, Mustache… there’s one last…
Oh no! Mustache is gone!
She’s all alone!
Oh, that’s fucked. He’s tied under the boat…
We’re back to her narration again. She’s in a hospital now though.
Writing her memoirs… or rather, the same two lines over and over…
She’s nuts.
We close with Whale sounds.
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
Am I the only one who wants to see a Tremors/Blade crossover? Is Wesley Snipes still a thing? I know Tremors is. I just fell asleep to the one that takes place in the ice. The selfish reality is that I turned it on, snuggled into my wife, and fell asleep, leaving her watching it alone.
Everyone needs some alone time, don’t you think? I know she does. I wouldn’t want to live with me. I don’t particularly like living with me, to be honest. I’ve made some really stupid choices and really dragged myself down. I’d be somewhere very different from this if it wasn’t for me. In fact, if we chase the snake tail-first, the only version of Me that could be Here is This One.
24 cubits wide… not 23 cubits wide, nor shall it be 25 cubits wide, but the number of cubits of width that it shall be is 24 cubits. There was so much good stuff in the Bible, but I really felt the blueprint-level engineering description of The Ark was just a bunch of filler.
Everything considered, it’s a pretty insane story with an ending that I don’t think would have been significantly affected if the boat were an extra cubit here and there. Cubit: “The cubit is an ancient unit of length based on the distance from the elbow to the middle finger.” In other words, make the flipping off motion and hold it- Missio time! Middle Fingers in the air!
The bible’s preferred unit of distance measurement is from the tip of your “fuck you” finger down to the end of your elbow. It’s not important as much as it is a bit interesting of an image to consider in the context of a bunch of Egyptian-looking dudes wearing dusty shawls.
Shock Waves “In the dark days of WWII, the Nazi High Command ordered it’s scientists to create a top secret race of indestructible zombie storm troopers- un-living, unfeeling, unstoppable monstrosities that killed with their bare hands”. There’s a lot to unpack in this summation.
To begin with, I don’t think there were any Salad Days of the Second World War. It was always dark days. The Germans pulled a Putin, the French surrendered, America dared the Kaiser to sink a ship… and then it all really went to hell. So, whose perspective of dark days? The Nazi High Command’s?
I like that they have a High Command. That would be my position or title or job or whatever. One of the guys in charge of being high. And commanding stuff. Like people- to sort my snacks. And stuff. I have a question though- if I took poodles and outfitted them with laser legs and hypersonic eyes, would they be a new race?
No? That’s correct. They’d be… cyborg poodles. Or poodle cyborgs. So, these zombies aren’t going to be a new race as much as they’re going to be zombies. Why is there a hyphen in “Un-living” and not one in “Un-Feeling”? As for them being unstoppable monstrosities that kill with their bare hands- I like that.
I don’t like my Nazi zombies doing the whole “Jump out of the snow or shadow onto their victim and then stab them viciously no less than 147 times” thing. I like biting. I think the point that the caffeine is trying to make is that… this really says… “In WWII, Nazi scientists made zombies.” and I’ll admit that I’m being generous in the assumption that once ordered to do something, the Nazi scientists did it.
The Nazis were not known for refusing to follow immoral orders. Uhhh… So, I also think I’ve seen this one. In fact, I’m almost certain that I have. Although, I felt that way about Outpost (also about Nazi’s however unfortunately not really about Zombies) but I was wrong, so maybe this *is* the movie with the really cool “Zombie Breach up out of the rolling surf” or maybe it isn’t.
Which, to be honest, would be kinda cool since I’d be watching something completely new, but I haven’t seen this since- and this is odd that I have this memory associated with it, since my brain really does not work this way- I remember watching this movie in an old apartment I lived in in the Hollywood section of Portland right above a coffee shop and library.
It was the coolest place to live! The Hollywood Theater was right down the street, and they’d have monthly events like zombie movie or old kung fu classic nights. That was the apartment I got Sober in. Sam’s in Portland was the last bar I Drank in, I think. And then went home and overdosed on shamanistic hallucinatory drugs and freaked out. Badly.
I remember very little, but part of what I do remember involves hiding- in the corner- from the couch. Yeah. Shit got weird. The strangest part- if there is any part of this worthy of a gold star over any other aspect- is that for the next few weeks, if I was in a room with no windows and a closed door- like the office of the adult store I was managing- I would sometimes get nervous that everything outside of that room I was in was just imagination and the entirety of existence was me, alone, in that tiny office, forever.
I’d have to get up and open the door and look around out in the hallway and shop floor to reassure myself empirically that there was an actual world out there. It’s with a very acutely embarrassed feeling of relief that you shut yourself back into the office after one of these “Need to check!” moments. In fact, now that I’m thinking of it, most “Need to check!” moments probably are socially awkward and possibly uncomfortable.
Why do people obey traffic laws? Speed limits? Is there another reason that isn’t “’cause if I get caught there’s a penalty I don’t wish to pay.”? I was pondering this on the way to the gym today.
I noticed a couple times that I was speeding, but there was a good song on the radio and I felt like it so after a couple attempts at slowing down and being good, I just let myself enjoy things and we went fast. I think what I want to know is; are there people who obey speed limits because they believe that they do not have what it takes to drive the car faster through that area?
I’ve realized I may have a major blind spot in my understanding of people’s driving habits. There was a car wrecked backwards in a ditch by the side of the road; I think this is what got me thinking about it. The skid marks showed that they’d oversteered on a corner and lost the rear end with the brakes locked up. I’ve gone off the road in similar scenarios- not as bad though.
That car was totaled. I think I’ve only totaled one car? I rear-ended an old lady, and I was the luckiest SOB imaginable. That’s babble and rant for another day though. Oh! The picture on Amazon is of a water-logged goggle-eyed bald zombie thing standing up out of the water holding a boat. I think the scale is a bit off.
Behind him, there’s sort of a back-ground band of the same looking guys. I listened in on a conversation in the gym locker room today while I was getting dressed. A group of guys was talking nutrition, and one was boasting that he’d completely cut all carbs from his diet- with the exception of two rice cakes a day- in an attempt to get close to the Carnivore Diet.
The thing that’s got me scratching my head is- if you’re going to give yourself a minute and severely rationed allowance of carbs to eat for the day in your budget, why waste them on rice cakes? I’m not sure what you could trade those two rice cakes for, carb-wise, but imagine a prison where carbs was the currency instead of cigarettes? Men gambling in the yard with sticks of dried spaghetti.
Pasghetti. Is that how they spelled it in What We Do In The Shadows? My wife and I say that all the time to each other. Huge fans of the movie, haven’t watched the TV show, and I think I heard there’s another movie coming out? Better be the original cast. And no getting really heavy between the end of the first movie and beginning of the second movie even though they’re supposed to take place a day apart.
Kal Penn. I’m looking at you. My favorite two Elvis songs are “Suspicious Minds” and “Only Fools Rush In”. I just listened to both of them while cleaning out my bong. The recycler tube got clogged and I ate a mouthful of water. Yay. Things are getting a bit disjointed here. My typing accuracy has gone to shit. I blame the half-pot of too-strong coffee.
What’s the strangest thing inside of a person/corpse that has interrupted or disrupted any part of an internment ceremony or cremation? I’m specifically thinking about swallowing a bunch of something explosive on my way out, just to see if I can blow up a crematorium.
I had to be talked out of swallowing handfuls of whole paintballs once. The reasoning isn’t anything that you want to hear. 1976 was a good year. Ok. I think we’re ready to start this. I’m feeling twitchy.