Unhuman
Overall Recommendation
Recommendation?
Watch this movie. This is a gem. This is too smart by far. This is a cerebral thriller masquerading as a campy teen horror movie. This is also a really fun movie to watch on mushrooms. The slow motion, the lights, the scenery/setting… it’s good for drugs. There’s a very distinct Cabin in the Woods feel to it, if a completely different flavor. An original one is what I mean. It’s a good thing. An amazing thing. It’s as strong as Cabin. I… Well, I might need to go re-watch Cabin before I knuckle up behind that statement, but I’ll go to bat and to the mat for this little tale. 2/3 of the way through the onion layer is shredded off and there’s a potato diamond underneath. I have to stop heaping praise on it long enough to criticize at least something. All the teen angst tho? That’s kinda a boring thing. But that’s the worst of it, and I couldn’t be sure how much of it was tongue in cheek and how much was really that forced. But… the acting was great, the story is fucking stellar, the red is so red that it was the most red I’ve seen at times… I think the true moral of the story is you can’t trust dudes with long hair, but I’ve been known for misunderstanding simple human interaction cues as well as hating on the Grateful Dead. I keep stumbling back into contemplating the movie, looking at it from different angles, realizing other connections… This movie is like dating the gorgeous new stranger next door for the whole summer before being allowed to see the inside of their house- whose walls are a pastiche of black and white surveillance photos, newspaper clippings, and tangled sieves of red thread. And then they smile at you, refuse to answer any questions, and skip off towards the shower shedding clothing across the floor. What else can you do besides follow while undressing? This is far too interesting to miss. Your fate has already been cast, like fuzzy slow-motion dice in a fuzzy slow motion bus crash. Ok. I DID find something to criticize. You cannot use fog as a scene-transition or cut device EVERY FUCKING TIME. But that said, this is a fucking awesome movie and totally worth watching. On drugs, if possible. Trust me. I’m a professional.
Plot Autopsy
Plot Autopsy
- We’re quickly introduced to a cross section of high school clichés and a teacher on drugs and porn.
- One bus-crash later, mega-zombie chases them out of the bus and breaks the walls with those he catches.
- Lots of running around in blacklight. And screaming. Way too much spray-paint was consumed.
- Don’t… trust… anyone. Especially a couple of horny losers with access to the drug connection known as Burning Van.
- Because, like, they’re actually faking this whole thing and doing cocaine and pretending and wearing masks.
- But that doesn’t stop Ever from finding herself and beating the shit outta… I mean, I forget, but there’s a lot of violence. Fucking awesome.
Zombie Description
Zombie Description
These are really angry zombies that prefer to wear patches-festooned vests. But they’ll bite and smash you if you get the chance. They’ll smash you in the ceiling if they get the chance. They’re smash your face into the concrete if they get the chance. And honestly, that’s really just the first zombie. Which… turns out to be a not zombie. I’m not sure if there really are zombies? There’s that green drug that… well, yeah, I mean, Randall turns into a zombie and then… is recruited by the PTA? There’s some math that doesn’t really add up, but the zombies- when they’re being zombies- are fucking awesome. Even if they’re not zombies.
Where the money went
Where the money went
Special effects. Maybe this should be in the New section, but I’ve never seen special effects so fucking red and special that they literally show the skin being ripped off. I mean, I’ve seen others TRY to do this, but THIS is the FIRST time I’ve ever seen it done so convincingly. (No, I have no idea what it really looks like in real life- like, Spanish Inquisition type shit.) But yeah. That was fucking amazing, and I should have written this in the other section. That’s the magic of editing, which I’m not going to do. Location. The graffiti wall. Holy shit, that is beautiful. And then the second half of the movie is set in a bunch of spray-painted plastic flaps. The script was awesome, if some of the scenes were too cringy. I can’t watch forced awkwardness without becoming truly distressed. But… fuck. My mind is still reeling from this one.
Best Weapon
Best Weapon
Thrown weaponry- the slushie and the burrito are tied for first place. The burrito is funnier, but I have a personal connection to slushie-bombing, so… I can’t pick. But then… what the fuck is up with the Freddy Krueger syringe hand? That was so much overkill! Of a drug that… fuck, I still don’t understand. When I ran the porn shop, one of my employees was into the Mad Genius Handbooks or whatever those science how-to’s are called, and he took apart a taser and made it into a glove, so that if he grabbed someone, the contacts on the finger and thumb would transmit the charge. When he tried it, his soldering or something melted and he got a really bad burn. So… Yeah. That’s pretty much a non-sequitur. But it makes me smile. Venom and Havok. 2024. I also have to give a shout out to the drug dealer zombie player guy’s rage. He… he really took it all the way. He didn’t leave anything on the table, or floor, or in anyone’s pockets… he was down to fuck shit up. Crazy to think that human-him bit the teacher like that while pretending to be a zombie.
Can I get a hand?
Can I get a hand?
They start the zombie attack with a red hand slap against the bus window, and in terms of reviving zombies, Danny made a completely awesome come-back… If heavily borrowed from other industry favorites (starts coughing) World War Z. There’s the bloody “Do not pass-go” hand in the bus too, good for a shocker. But that’s sort of it, in that this swings wildly sideways and then starts drifting huge loopy circles across the dusty fields, daring you to hang on or be brave enough to jump.
That was new!
That was new!
They start everything with a slow motion bus crash. A bit of CGI slight of hand here and there and… well, then there’s a zombie knocking to come in. I’ve never seen that before, and I’ve never seen anyone get stuck in a horse before. That made Star Wars look… petite and antiquated. G-rated, even. I’ve never seen anyone- especially a heavier person- get so graphically stuck against something jagged and sharp that getting out cost them a pound of flesh. Fuck, I’d rather watch The Decent again… I’ve never seen a movie deal so honestly with the hygiene of kissing during an apocalypse. And aside from Cabin in the Woods, I’ve never had a zombie movie flip my shit sideways so jarringly and leave me gasping on the floor, wondering what just happened and when I’ll be allowed back in to watch the dance steps again. In all the worst ways, this movie combines the Incel spirit of Columbine with teenage fantasy/stupidity to show how desperate some kids are these days to get laid. It begins as an exercise in high school, and then it goes to deconstruct and rebuild into stronger and better.
Review Notes
Review Notes
Afterschool special? STDs? WHAT?
I need to stop coughing.
Making lunch… latch-key kid. A good kid. A good mom.
Evidently, there’s a thing with Tamra?
Body is changing. Got it.
“High school. Drugs and booze and sex! It’s like chemical warfare. Try to have fun! But make good choices! ‘Cause I’ve seen some shit.”
Got a banana for the day.
And a… tweaker of a friend.
What’s wrong with her outfit?
How can someone driving that car call someone else grampa??
Although, I do appreciate the bad-influence best friend. Good intentions.
Oh, shit. She just hit someone!
“There goes my safe driver discount.” I am FURIOSLY looking in my wife’s direction at the moment. *I*, the hellraising hooligan, the wheelie-the-on-ramp, the drifting of the pickup-truck sideways onto stranger’s lawns, the road-raging bumper-bully… I got charged with felony DUI, driving to endanger, reckless driving… I’ve pulled the E-brake on my own car on the highway while tripping on mushrooms just to see what would happen… *I* lost MY safe-driver’s discount when I merged insurances with my wife. ‘cause SHE got a speeding ticket. That right there is proof of the Universe’s sense of humor.
Tamra… dude has a crush on her…
Oh, SHIT, he just got hit with a Slushie. I… I miss Dredd. We were driving to Taco Bell in Amherst one night and saw a drunken student stumbling along by the UMass campus, and on the way back, around the same place, as we were approaching I noticed that the person had passed out on the grassy median area between the street and the sidewalk, and I leaned out the window and hurled my slushie and it landed like a water-balloon right into their lap… I… This is where I should repent for doing such a horrible thing. Or at least say I’m sorry.
So, the jocks have a convertible muscle car, the tall sex-bomb has a pinto… and this poor kid has a bike? And half a slushie?
All cell phones in a bag? Shit has changed.
“Graci. Say Prego. SAY PREGO!!”
No-Phone. NP. That’s…
Is this teacher on coke?
“What happened to you?”
(Kid who got hit by Slushie) “You don’t want to know.”
“That’s right!”
Ok, something about the teacher’s phone and dick pics, and the two girls are weird, and every high school cliché is in attendance.
“Dude, you have to stop sending nudes to this phone. It’s a work phone. Dick-pics ARE nudes!”
“No fat shaming. But just beat yourself anywhere.”
I have had some insane teachers, but never one THIS crazy. Well, maybe one. But he had monumental crippling anger issues.
I don’t need to see acne like that.
Sneezing. Sharing candy. People are gross.
Gummies. Are not vegan.
Jock just hit the kid with a burrito!
Wayne’s lost.
Oh, shit! HE hit someone too! It’s a theme!
Crashing! Bus crashing! SO much crashing. So much whiplash! So much… puking! And… nose-breaking!
“It was CLEARLY a tragedy! But let’s just hope he was a racist so we don’t have to feel bad!”
Tracy got her nose broken!
“Well, Wayne, it appears you’re not a murder after all. Mazel tov.”
Someone on the roof?
Sounds like they’re hopping around. From the sounds of it.
They buses are playing a message about being under attack and taking soap to a fallout shelter.
HAND! RED HAND!
Oh, shit. He’s knocking.
“Clearly someone needs to take responsibility. And that’s the difference between you and I. That and seventy to seventy-five pounds.”
WOW that was some visceral shit!
Braces just had her head stepped on!
Zombie is picking up people and hitting the ceiling with them.
How is the zombie still able to be grabbing kids?
Oh, he complains about his shoes getting muddy. Really? That’s lame.
“Where? We’re in the fucking SHIRE!”
Oh god. Oh my god. The horse. The scene with the horse. I… I’m not going to recount it all. But holy shit.
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t need the extra credit!”
“Well, cheat off someone smarter next time.”
“I cheated off of YOU!”
Liberal use of the fog machine…
“Guys… maybe we should go left?”
“Why left?”
“Because it’s the only direction not making scary sounds, ok?”
“Well, this is where the tweakers and thespians go to huff paint and have existential crises.”
The jock is ranting about zombie fantasies and shut ins.
“I can’t believe I agree with a guy who smells like horse-shit.”
So, Ever is the only sane person here.
But we get it. Being a teenager is awkward. So stop putting us through it.
Or, I mean… also stop showing us dead animal shrines.
Ready made spear… a snow-shoe…
I’m sorry dude, but your jokes are just falling flat.
Doing the best they can to fortify the place.
Almost killed the guy with a bed-pan. That’s gross.
“You know they have a nickname for you too. Jumpstreet.”
“Why?”
“I’ll let you figure it out.”
I like the line about being a D&D nerd.
“They’re just a bunch of robots programmed to make my life suck.”
“Being a good person is highly over-rated. Have you ever *tried* bullying? It might be awesome!”
Getting high, plotting, being dicks to each other.
Was that a puppy?
No, it’s someone calling for help!
She’s out in the road!
But there’s a zombie outside!
Cowering… cowering… more cowering… still cowering…
I covet that van.
The zombie is perched on the van, watching the girl calling for help.
“Slow gotta go. Hard truth, ok?” I mean… yeah. I saw it firsthand in that documentary Zombieland.
Wow. Zombie is really into posing aggressively.
Ever is a one-woman defenses wrecking machine.
Oh, Jesus, the zombie didn’t have to smash her head!
Here comes Zombie-Wayne!
Zombie-Wayne just used Dying-Candace’s head as a battering ram to open up the door!
I’m suddenly convinced that the OG Zombie is being played by Corey Feldman. I mean… Corey Haim would be more… believable… If I want to go there. Evidently, I do. Did.
And yes, throwing antique snowshoes at zombies in fear is a good move.
Wow. Blacklight. Looks like our dorm rooms in undergrad.
“This is some lay-away rave shit.”
Ryan has all sorts of bad news.
I mean, it’s just bad news everywhere.
Slow motion chaos!
I just found a picture of my brother on the internet and he looks like one of the Village People.
Uh… zombies… fistfight… loyalty… a fat kid getting stuck… getting… sliced open? What the fuck?
Really intense!
I’m not sure how you can think that someone is bad luck.
Danny is having a revelation… and… it’s pretty fucked up.
What the fuck are all these mannequins doing? There’s one for each… character…
Ok, I’m tripping so fucking hard. This has me sideways. What the fuck is going on? I’m not tripping that hard. I’m… I mean… The mushrooms are really mellow but this movie is fucking intense!
FUNHOUSE MIRROR ZOMBIE ATTACK!!
Danny really is a stand-up guy.
Oh, shit. The slushie kid is taking out a whole lot of rage. So much rage.
They find a shit-ton of drugs on Zombie-Wayne’s body. I mean… like, next to it. Like a loot pile in a videogame.
“You fucking Larper.”
Danny is turning into a zombie and having a hard time navigating the stairs.
Danny is having a meltdown.
Danny… just got launched… out the window… and down…
Were… Ryan and Danny brothers or lovers or what?
Oh, shit, that was an awesome revival.
There’s a space alien looking at me.
I think… the slushie kid staged this entire thing.
Ever… wants common sense, and Randall doesn’t.
Ever is calling him out. She’s onto him.
VERY nice bomb-making montage. I especially like the sun and moon. Very nice. (sleezy accent) Very nice *indeed*.
Ok, that Van has already been lit on fire once. It’s like walking through snow The Lie where it’s pretty obvious you’re on your 2nd or 3rd take in the same place.
Ever is stuck in bad-ass mode.
Slow motion zombie dance party against the burning van. Gorgeous.
So much angst!
Why are Ever and Tamra fighting?
Why is Tamra lit only in orange?
“Everything is a what if. What if… I’m right?”
“Thanks for coming with me. I was kinda scared shitless.”
“I still am.”
“Oh. Sweet.”
They’re back in the bus? That’s a bad place to be!
But I think they’re looking for a clue!
Instead they find a bloody hand!
And all the phones! Are… broken? Who did that?
Ever is having a hard time with the concept of Nothing.
“My entire existence is just… nothing.” Yeah. I hear you. We should hang out.
“It could be worse.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. I was trying to reassure you.”
“Is this when you kiss me?”
“It’s just been such a long day and I lost my gum and ate a ton of dirt and mud earlier and I’m really stinky right now…”
“Steven. I might have puked a bit earlier.”
BAD BREATH KISS!
WHAT THE FUCK!! HE JUST INJECTED HER WITH GREEN SHIT!!
And then started apologizing horribly…
What the fuck? The slushie kid is in on this too?
And then we have an interlude cut… About 4 or 5 weeks ago…
A coach?
The two kids… talking about the scared straight program?
The whole thing is planned? What the fuck?? SPOILER ALERT!!
The corpse is talking to her?
Zombie juice?
Burning Van? Drug… making… event?
“That shit back there was like World War Z on Bath Salts!”
“Help us?”
This… this is so fucked. This is the craziest, most unseen… what the fuck am I watching? This is like Street Thief. Ok. I copied and pasted Oculus Virtual Reality headset earlier from a news article into Amazon to see how much the computer game costs that 10 year old would shot his mother in the face over, but every time I try to Bold or Un-Bold something, I keep hitting CTRL-V and then the shit re-pastes and re-formats my text. I just had the strange smell that my dog had died. I’m not sure how I would interpret that, if even potentially correctly.
Now… they need to kill Ever? This is not good.
Was the teacher’s corpse actually talking to her?
I think she’s hallucinating it, but it’s still a good thing.
This shit is turning into Columbine.
Excruciating.
They have everyone locked in a cage? Are they really zombies?
I cheer on anyone who fights off a rapist. Especially with the neon zombie hallucinations.
Tamra… don’t trust him!
Ever just beat the SHIT outta that guy.
Steven… is doubting his choices.
LOUD NOISES!
Dude’s got a fucking SWORD?
CRICKET BAT!
Ever… just ruined everything.
Whoah. Tamra just SENT Randall.
Now… that’s a fucking mural.
Randall is in the zombie cage. I think?
Yes, they are really zombies.
Except Danny.
Damn. Danny really IS a stand-up guy. I mean, he keeps getting knocked and cut down, but… he’s a good dude!
Ever just stabbed him in the face with the Freddy syringe hand.
And then puked everywhere.
“Are you ok?”
“Nope! Not at all. Pretty sure I just went through withdrawal.”
Shit. Randall is WAY fucked up.
And Ryan just totally destroyed him.
Adorable happy dance!
“More like a sonnet.”
“I got on the wrong bus. Sorry.”
“It’s amazing how much you can learn about someone once you’ve been held captive together.”
“You got a total mayhem-makeover!”
I… kinda want a bus now.
HA!! Teacher wakes up!
————End Transmission——————–
Introduction
Introduction
I hurt. Everything of my body hurts. My back hurts. My hands hurt. My… well, my toes are a bit chilly, but I suppose I could put socks on if I was feeling adult. I’m not.
I’ve done nothing for the past few days besides eat mushrooms, work out in the gym, shop for Christmas for my wife (with her own money) and then accidently fuck up and send the gift purchase confirmations to her personal email, so now she knows what she’s getting for Christmas.
I have NO idea what she’s gotten me. I think she got me some, like, green hydration packets. Liquid IV. I’m addicted to the stuff. I mean, it’s salt and sugar and you mix it in with your water. Who wouldn’t become addicted to it? Human fucking hummingbirds, that’s the ticket! Yay! Ticket is a winner!
I just won the opportunity to purchase *another* coffee grinder, since the one I just received in the mail lasted all of 1 peanut and 3 mushrooms before giving off electrical gangrene ions and shitting the bed. The kitchen smells like chemical warfare. My sinuses are throbbing worse than when I was pepper-sprayed. (None of those instances were technically my fault though, I just happen to seek out excitement if there’s any to be had.)
The wife and I have been talking about getting some empty “pill” capsules, and grinding up mushroom, and making .5 or 1 gram servings, so everything is easy and simple and we’re not travelling around with a coke-scale. I mean, I like the scale, but I liked selling drugs (I still love giving them away!) and I like all the associated toys and accessories. Like my Glock. Kidding.
I’d never use it for something illegal, that’d come back to me way too fast. So anyway, I says to Mable, I says- and keep in mind, I was never ruminating about which firearm to shoot someone with so it won’t get back to me. I says to Mable: I tested the coffee grinder on a peanut, since it already was smelling like burnt chemical diseases and I didn’t want to risk ruining a serving of mushrooms. So I started with a peanut. “Would anybody like… a peanut?”
Truth be told, it took a bit longer for the thing to get powderized than I thought it should. Maybe it had something to do with the fat content? But soon I had exactly one peanut’s worth of peanut-powder. Plus shell powder. So I threw it out, since that’s a horribly masochistic way to get your fiber.
I smelled the machine, it still smelled like the area of hell directly under Dresden, but now there was a faint aroma of peanut, as well. I wiped it all out with a paper towel, and then threw in 1.86 grams of mushrooms. Once again, it took longer than anticipated to take apart the shrooms. And then, right as it was finally turning the last chunks into powder, the machine shit out.
Well, I think I should be accurate and say that it spewed out a last gasp of toxic gasses and then died. Chopping up less than 2 grams of mushrooms. So… Well, powdered dried mushroom is… powdery. Like cocaine that’s been stepped on too much, stuffed full of fluff and unknowingness.
I tried to weigh the powder, but that resulted in my not calibrating the scale correctly and then dumping some of the powdered mushrooms out onto the desk.
I also couldn’t really get all of the powder out of the grinder, it appeared that static was holding a fine film of a layer (a bug just flew out of my chest, but more about that later) all over the interior of the machine. I made sure it was unplugged. I checked again. I twirled the cord around my head like a lasso. I checked again. And then I licked my finger and stuck it in the machine and, well, cleaned as much of the machine as I could.
I didn’t get cut. I am typing about as well as I ever have. The amount of mushrooms that I did manage to measure came out to 1.61 grams, so I lost about a quarter gram to licking my finger and accidently exhaling or inhaling too hard.
However, I ate what I had, and I think it being powdered sort of increased it’s bioavailability, ‘cause I’m rolling with a steady insistence that I usually associate with LSD; the get to the plateau and then you’re there for eight hours, exploring rocks and paper and birds and your own existence and shit.
I was trying to explain what mushrooms are like to my parents. They wanted to know. I think that since my wife is such a fan and advocate of them, my parents feel compelled to take it a bit more seriously than if I was just running around without a shirt screaming about becoming more like Tarzan.
On the potential job front, I found out that the dental software company is not hiring me. After I’ve already received another email from the company asking me to apply.
I have to look into the universe and see that it’s pointing out that I do not want to work for any company simply because they will have me. This company is a shit-show, and their website looks like a competent 6th grader made it. In late 2002. I’m not bitter, or rather, I’m not bitter, I’m… feeling rejected and it doesn’t feel good. It never does.
It makes me want to wad up the completely digital application and throw it back at them. But then, I wonder… they’re a software company with a repugnantly old website… do I really want to be customer service for this… well, corporations ARE people, isn’t that what the courts found? So, long answer is no- I don’t think I want to work for them either.
On interesting news, I got an email about a position I don’t remember applying for telling me that I’ve made it to the hiring manager’s desk and that they’ll get back to me about an interview perhaps. I almost hope they don’t, since I’ve searched my email and can’t find any record of applying, nor can I find the job posting anywhere. I have no idea how I found it, or where I found it, or what the fuck I applied to be. But the good news is: I’m in the running!
Let’s say they call me and offer me the job, ask me when I can start, what I’d think fair wages would be… What the fuck am I supposed to say? I’m sorry, I was tripping balls on mushrooms when I applied to your position and now I’d appreciate it… I mean, not really *now*, since I’m tripping now too… But look, could you like, email me the job description or a link or something like that? And I’ll get back to you when shit stops being all shimmery-shiney and wavy-gravy?
I can’t even tell if I’m going to have to take a drug test. If they call me in for an interview, I’m fucked, so I guess it’s like destiny.
Think about all the peanuts that have ever been grown. Think about the biggest peanut ever grown. Do you think that it was harvested by humans, or pre-humanity; if a peanut grows in the forest and there’s no-one to roast and eat it…
When I was in undergrad we’d play a game at Fenway that consisted of drinking beers (beahs) and eating peanuts and trying to drop your shells in your friend’s beer cup without them noticing until they’d tried to take a drink and ended up with a mouthful of salty, floating debris.
Tom Robins wrote a great scene in Still Life With Woodpecker where he brings up asparagus. I hate asparagus. My dad used to grow it in his garden- it was damn near the only thing he could grow. To be honest, deer are a fucking menace and deserve to end up on a car hood or serving platter or both.
Everyone should read everything they can by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. I’m not sure if Sr. was worth reading? Was he even a writer? I’m not sure and I don’t care to find out. Welcome to the Monkey House was required reading… do you remember, Miss Umm?
I think they should sell frozen grapes, but still on the stem. Highly impractical and almost impossible to stack, don’t you think? That’s what I think. I still want them though. I… well, never having actually had a bundle of frozen stemmed-grapes, I really don’t know about how they’d come off the vine. Or wouldn’t.
It’s all speculation, at least, until someone gets curious enough to find out. “Postmortem” is a strange word when you look at it from the perspective of the Post being the mail. Or being a vertical stick of wood partially buried to anchor it. My feet are really cold.
Maybe it’s just the mushrooms, or all the frozen fruit fantasy, but this humidifier over my shoulder feels to be blowing directly upon my naked feet. Shoes are the fucking devil, you hear me? I’m so itchy. And clumsy. I’m not sure you could make any sort of case that the two are related.
I *think* our electricity keeps flickering for a second now and then, but my wife hasn’t mentioned it and I’m kinda wondering if it’s one of those “smells toast” moments more than any reality of our electrical environment. I’m having small back spasms. I look at the curvature of the couch that I’m perched upon and wonder that I have any articulation at all.
Historically, isn’t it an accurate statement that far more people have been killed by pointy sticks than firearms over the duration of human existence? We just a second ago invented guns, but trees have been… I mean… pointy sticks fucking DO grow on trees. Maybe that’s why so many people have been killed by them. Imagine if a tree fruited firearms? Of course there’d be a direct relation to the distance from the tree as measured in increases in personal safety. That’s until we look down and see rocks.
There’s a spot on my laptop. I think it’s coffee. But I keep thinking it’s a bug. I’m seeing bugs and my optic nerves might be deceiving me, blinking off for split seconds like a mouse cursor shifting shape due to inactivity.
I’m flying stratosphere level and making minute corrections as if I were slaloming. I can’t steer and there’s a loudly growing minority (at the moment, at least) clamoring to just let go and fall off. Let the beast roar itself off into the night. I don’t have to fight it every time it offers. That said, I’ll die a bit inside on the day that I turn down the dance.
I just realized that all of my comfort clothing was bought for me by my mother. My dog is dying and both of my parents are in their 80s. I’m old, too. I’m old enough to know better. I’m old enough to have forgotten when. I’m old enough that I hurt. I hurt all the time, and most of the time I’m tired.
Or maybe it’s that I’m tired all the time, and I also hurt most of the time. All I know is that I’m me, and I’ve never used steroids. I have eaten a lot of spinach, though. Hell is a passionate, fiery love of quiche paired with lactose intolerance. There’s so much that I’d change that it’d just be easier to wipe the slate clean and start fresh and new.
My fucking back is hurting and I can’t get any relief. It hurts to take a deep breath. I know this feeling. Time and heat will help, if I’m able to let it. Everything I’ve ever loved has been able to be kept in a jar, but that’s not true anymore, either.
It’s a couple hours later. The shrooms have mostly worn off. I just watched The Lie, which was pretty good even though I was able to see the twist coming from about 40 minutes in. What is funny though is Joey King’s IMDB bio, which… is a bad look for anyone, anytime.
It’s a desperate combination of ignorance and idol worship, all shrouded in the faux mystique of the third person. It’s the literary equivalent of someone swirling their cognac and inhaling deeply without a clue as to what they should be smelling for, simply because it looks good and they’re dressed up and sitting at the bar and they saw someone do it once in a movie.
Her IMDB reads like the drunken insecurity monster depression-binged a bunch of classy biographies about accomplished people and then threw up down an elevator shaft. She’s an interesting looking, good actress who so far has done a pretty good job of picking intelligent-ish projects. Someone get her a sober PR agent. Fuck. It’s midnight and I haven’t started the review yet. I have crushed my box of Triscuits, although I consider myself lucky that I didn’t spill them (or their crushed crumbs) everywhere.
(12/3/2022)
I still hurt, or rather, my back is still killing me. It’s the next day. I didn’t do a review last night. I… don’t have much to account for the time, really. So lets get right into productivity before I get distracted explaining how I found out exactly how easy it is to stalk someone 2,625 miles away.
For the record, it’s really easy. I’m going to send her some Cheeze-Its even though I think they’re inedible crunchy chunks of toxic waste. I’ve already lost the mouse. This is not going to get any easier.
I tried washing my Bose earbuds, they were disgusting with gym funk that made the sound muted and dull. Now one of them is feedbacking painfully loud and refusing to connect to my wife’s laptop. This is not going to get any easier. Unhuman. “After their bus crashes on a field trip, a group of high school students must band together to fight the undead.” There’s really not much else to say. I can appreciate succinct.